Trust Vote

Finally its over! The trust vote. I , for once, followed the debates on TV and Rediff chat as well. In india every thing follows a pattern. A pattern well mastered and practiced by bollywood. The trust vote was no different. PM started with emotional appeal that could well be compared with "purani filmy maa". LK Advani was bothered that the deal seems to be between two individuals and not countires. Well i guess his true concern was that he wasnt one of the individuals. And then totally senseless speeches by various MPs. They talked everything on earth except the nuclear deal. It was like director losing the plot after 4 frames in the movie. So typically bollywood. Before the audience got bored entered Lalu Prasad Yadav. Frankly speaking, he was the only one who was really educative and informative. I would have never known those film songs if not for him.

As with any bollywood movie, the twists were at the end. In the middle of the debate, BJP MPs gave a twist with Rs 1 Crore. That left everyone shocked and surprised. "Cash mere bahon mein.. Cash mere aahon mein..." Inspiration i guess. Experts felt BJP was preparing for boycott. Experts are always so consistent with their predictions. Their ability ( rather inability ) was proven again. BJP announced it wont boycott. Another twist. Finally counting started. It took exactly 10 seconds for the results to be displayed on the board. UPA was ahead of NDA by around 27 votes. 46 votes were still to be registered.

As with every movie i skipped the climax. Next day the suspense was broken. Lot of MPs had cast cross votes. Our bollywood actors also forget their characters most of the times. What a similarity no?

All along the debate i was closely watching rediff discussion forum on trust vote. I really liked the quality of discussion educated and young India presented. Mainly the way assets of babydoll were discussed. Dont ask me how are the assets of babydoll linked with nuclear deal? samirdoshi puts it this way. Babydoll is hot and so is nuclear power. See, for us normal indians, everything is so simple and logical.There was one guy who was very much worried about sensex. He was paranoid. He posted his views more than 20 times in a time frame of 3 minutes. Must have invested hell lot of money.

Some great thinker suggested we nuke the parliament. I dont have any comments. Except that i hope he is talking of sending babydoll to parliament. Another guy wanted military rule for next 10 years. Hmmm. I just pray Bush dosent take this guy to be referring to military rule by his troops. By the way, once the nuclear plants are being monitored by USA, it dosent take much time for them to send their troops here to gaurd them against any suspected terrorist attacks. Very gloomy. Isnt it. Yes i was exaggerating.

In India every person is an expert in international politics and strategies. They can tell you why us did not use nuclear weapons against iraq. They will enlighten you about link between iran, US and your village hardly inhabited by 4 families. They can sense conspiracy where there is one. Usually every news has a conspiracy behind the lines. These experts and uncover it.

And as i said everything in india follows a pattern. So it was not a surprise when a member posted a parody of latest bollywood hit.

"sala mannu can't dance...? sAla mannu cant' speak.. ? sala "

Excuse the mixing of words here. It should ahve been mamu cant dance sala....

PS: Below is just a sample of the discussion thread! :) Enjoy

samirdoshi says, @papji I vote for d motion
papaji says, I think Pamela Anderson was very much energetic and hot in the movie BarbWire. What Do you
guyz think?...... Please Vote
AdvaniGandhi says, @mission impossible ----------- US did not use nuclear weapons in Iraq because, main reason
US attached Iraq --- IS FOR THE PETROL/OIL --- If they use nuclear weapons, they cant do the same. US already is a friend of Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and NOW, Iraq. IRAN is the only petro rich country left.... So, US wants to attack IRAN now...
iuandwe says, hi
Prime Minister says, WITHOUT NUCLEAR POWER HOW CAN WE BECOME STRONGER THAN CHINA. THANKS BJP FOR MAKING ME WIN.
satheshj says, let them dissolve abd bring military rule for next 10 years
ep_murali says, UPA wins (Market 1000 points up) UPA lose (Market 5000 points down)
babbydoll says, sala mannu can't dance...? sAla mannu cant' speak.. ? sala manu can't doanything then whey such useless manu chasmis as PM can we have a young dynamic PM ?
appus says, Deve Gowda! what a kind politiation is he.... ? ;)
Nir says, We can put one Nuclear Bomb in parlament?
sanju_vi says, none of them knows actual benefits of nuclear deal... scarifising defence enhancement..... all the powerful nations have stocked pile their nuclear wepons n they fear that in future india may become nuclear threat
to those powerful nations.... so desperatley tryin to avoid this n putin pressure on india to sign nulear treaty... civilian benefits like energy cant expect much earlier than 2030.... so ther is no need to sighn the pact in such a urgency...
samirdoshi says, all r corrupt
patelajay says, SI\ONIYA TO BUDDHI HO GAYI HAI BABYDOLL APNA HI HOT PHOTO DIKHADO

Reality Check!

There are so many reality shows on TV and irony is that they are exactly opposite to what they are called. I see a conspiracy by media and production houses to send bollywood out of business through their reality shows. The so called tension and excitment created by the anchors before declaring "who is out , who is in" deserves an oscar. Even the anchors put up such a "great performance" that i would do away giving them few oscars if i could.

Speaking of anchors, we should be greateful that some unemployment has been eradicated. Atleast among bollywood rejects. Have you watched laughter challenge 4. Yes the same show which, an ex-cricketer beleives is a laughter club. For those who have not yet got who i am talking about, heres another clue. He is a sardar and a living answer for the question "why so many sardar jokes?". If you still have failed to identify, then probably you wear a turban. Its the one and only "sixer siddhu". Rumour has it that all over the country laughter clubs provide the clipping of siddhu in one of those "Wah Cha gaye guru!" moments to their new joinees. Just to show them how to laugh with out provocation. Infact siddhu has been declared their universal inspiration.

Comming back to anchors. Anybody remember shehnaaz? Yeah the same one movie wonder apposite shahid. Poor girl. Not only the movie bombed, she lost her "rozi roti" from MTV. Her career and her attire in the movie had a similarity. Shorter than short. Nowdays she is anchoring in laughter challenge show. It seems she is still on hangover from her MTV days. Often she forgets shez on laughter show and behaves as if she is still entertaining the MTV bhakts.
There are many reality shows dedicated to singing and dancing. After seeing raveena as a judge in one such show, i was tempted to appear for one of the dancing reality shows audition. No. I am not a die hard raveena fan. "Then why were you tempted?" you may ask. Not her beauty sir. If she can be a judge on a singing reality show with such a crisp ( yes kurkure crisp ) voice, i sure can make it big with my 4 left feet.

Channel V has a silly show they call "get gorgeous". I am not sure if the participants get gorgeous, but from what i see, they do get bitchy, skinny and easy recruits for "vamp" roles in Ekta kapoor S(igh)erial. They constantly are expressing their opinions on each others assets. Well dont mistake it for the kind of assets your banker talks about.

Another reality show from MTV is called splitsville. It is supposed to be dating show. But the old guys can call it new age matrimonial service. 16 girls and 2 guys. I hear gabbar saying "Yeh tho Bahut na-insafi hai!!". And the social welfare department of India says sex ratio is skewed!!!. BTW ever wondered about the definiton of "sex ratio" not being what it should be? Hmm. I Know. The right defination if given would qualify to be adult content

MTV Roadies is another famous rality show. Here your toughness depends on number of abuses you can bear gleefully and almost every expeletive either starts with "f" or ends with "k". Think over it. Its a well reaserched strategy to recruit the roadies. Afterall you would requrie all these expletives when you are on indian roads. What did you say? Do roadies ever use their bikes? Hell Yes. Just for few kilometers every week. Rest of the time is spent plotting others elimination.

Recently shinjini sen gupta was in news for getting into severe depression after judges passed comments and eliminated her. Poor girl. She took judges comments seriously. If only she knew judges are normally people out of work and wasting their time at reality shows rather than cooking and gardening at their homes.

On a serious note , lets face it.Every single person is a participant in the reality show called life. Every person is trying to impress and gain points. Every person wants to proceed to next round. They can plot and bring downfall of others for this. But unlike the judges on reality shows, here life is a judge as well as a mentor. You never know when you will be eliminated from the show. So play hard and play fair. For if nothing else, you rarely have come back episode.

PS: Driving on hosur road today, i realised the effect of traffic jams. People driving either become suicidal or become voilent psychos. Being an optimist i am thinking of buying a bouble barrel shot gun. Next time that biker zig zags....

Shayeries

Hi Guys, Finally at last here is the collection of shayeries... there are more but have lost them over a period of time since i never documented them.. the list below is courtesy to all my friends who had stored these and mailed me back when requested... :)


Raath ki tanhaye main aksar sochta hoon,
savera door nahi hai,
hai gum ka alam ab tho kya hua ,
khushiyon ki mehfil door nahi hai!!!

Peeche mudke dekta hai kise ai dil,
koun hai tera jo tuje rok lega,
akela hai tu akele hi pana hai manzil,
koun hai jo tere saath chalega.

Jisne bhi mohobbat ki hai,
woh hamesha luta hai,
kabi apni tadbeer se door hoke,
tho kabi apne ashiq se door hoke.

Deke hain kai tufano ko tufano se zoozna hai hame ata,
lak karo barbaad hame tum hame abad hai hona ata!!

Saji hai mehfil yaaron ki,
jaam ka saath hai jaanam ka nahi.
Meri mohobbat bewafa hai tho kya hua,
Mere yaar tho bewafa nahi.

Kehti hai duniya bewafa hame,
hame iskagum nahi,
ye duniya walo dika do aise shaks ko,
jiska bewafaon mein naam nahi!!

jaam pe jaam piye ja rahe hain,
teri yaad main hase ja rahe hain,
hum teri bewafai par nahi,
apni bewakufi par hase ja rahe hain!!!

Chot khaye hain bahut dil pe,ter ek chot se kya hoga..
Muje bewafa kehne wale dek le apna daaman,
uspe mer armaano ke katl ka daag hoga....

---
ek anjaan afsaana hai,
ankahe koi daastan hai,
zaalim zamane mein apno ko pehchanna mushkil hai,
lekin baat tho hogi us begaane mein,
jomere dil ko unke deedar ka intezaar hai!!

baadalon ke ghoonghat mein suraj chupa hai,
lagta hai hawa b is alam ke nashe mein mast hai..
joomte hue in kaliyon ko dek k sochta hun,
kya inhe b koi bichda yaar yaad aa raha hai...
iss mausam-e-bahar mein hum b joom len,
mohobbat chupa hai jo is jhoke mein,
mehsoos kar len,
tanhayi ke kafan mein munh chupaiye baite the,aaj do pal hi sahi,
apne liye jee len...
-----------------
Beete hue afsaane yaad aa rahe hain,
Tute hue sapne tadpa rahe hain,
Begaane the hum jab mohobbat se,
Aaj wo lamhe yaad aa rahe hain!!!

Muskurate the kabi jinke saath,
Woh humdard yaad aa rahe hain…
Gawaah hai jo meri tanhai ke,
tute hue woh jaam yaad aa rahe hain!!!

Aaj fir sunne ko unki hasi,
Kaan taras utte hain,
Deedar ke unki,
Fir ye aankh tarasthe hain,
Kya bataun yaaron,
aajWho hum kyun itnaa yaad rahe hain!!!

Naakaam koshish kar chuke,
firB na jane kyun tandi aahe barthe hain….
Karke apni duniya barbaad,
Unki salamati ki dua karte hain!!!

Haan hai wo kisi aur ki amanat,
iss sacchai ko hum nahi tukrate hain...
leki khuda ki kasam yaaron,
aaj b hum unse itna pyaar karte hain!!!!

intezar hai hame b kisi ka magar ye intezar he apni zindagi ban gayi hai,
kis manzil ki baath karun ai dost, hamari safar hi hamari manzil ban gayi hai....

kis mushkil ko dekkar gabra gaye ai dost,
koun si manzil door hai...
jab chal hi pade hain raah par,
tho rakna yaad hardum umeedon ka saath hai...

deke hain kai tufaano ko tufano se joojna hai hame aata,
laak karo barbad hame tum hame aabad hai hona aata...

hum tho fakir hain, raah mein kisi mod par kuch pal ke liye ruk jayenge...
do pal ki kushi simat lenge apne daman mein,fir anjaan manizil ki talash mein nikal jayenge....


jo bahar kabi na ayegi ,
usme phool kilne ka intezar bematlab hai..
.alfaas jo gazhal na ban sakenge,
unke liye sur banana bematlab hai...
jo pinjre main kaid hai panchi,
uska pank fadfadana bematlab hai...
badle na khwab jo haqeeqat mein,
unko dekna bematlab hai....
jo chah ke be apna na ban sake,
usko dil mein basan bematlab hai...
jiska humsafar ho koi aur,
uska humsafar banna bematlab hai...
hogi uski apni khud ki manzil,
dono ke manzil ki raah ek samajna bematlab hai..........
kisi ke khayalon mein karke khud ko intna bekaraar,
aisi behuda shayeri likna bematlab hai..........

teri ankhen sach bayan karthi hai,
jab ter lab joot bolti hain..
tere dil mein b wo hi armaan hai,
par majboorian un par parda dalthi hain...
chalo vaada raha tere zindagi se nikal jaunga,
ek bar tu sach bata,
kya tuje kabi b mujse pyaar nahi hua tha???


na hogi bechaini tere khamosh ho jane ki,
ha hogi karar tere khilkhilake hasne ki...
intezar na hoga tere ane ka,
na gum hoga tere laut jane ka...
zindagi mein na hogi fir kabi,
nasha tere ankhon mein doobne ka...
hogi na ehsaas fir tanhayi meinaahat tere yaadon ka....

na hogi bechaini tere khamosh ho jane ki,
ha hogi karar tere khilkhilake hasne ki...
intezar na hoga tere ane ka,
na gum hoga tere laut jane ka...
zindagi mein na hogi fir kabi,
nasha tere ankhon mein doobne ka...
hogi na ehsaas fir tanhayi meinaahat tere yaadon ka....

Na hongi ab wo baten,
na hongi ab wo raten....
hoti thi jinme guftagu tujse ,
gawah hai jiska wo chand....
raath se ab dil darega,
kahin chupke se na aa jaye teri yaad...
hogi na bekarari teri awaz sunne ki,
zanzeer dal denge apne pairon mein,
hui jo tamanna tujse milne ki....
azad hun aaj sare armaano se,sare haseen khwabon se....
khwab jo khwab rah jaye to haseen hai.

no hogi ab koi majburi,
na hogi dil mein dard koi...
vaastha na koi ab is rishte se,
chale hain hum aaj teri zindagi se...
chah ke be khud ko na rok payenge...
aabad rahe teri duniya,
khuda seyehi duwa mangenge........
ab na aur koi duwa hogi...
ab na aur koi pyar ki awaaz hogi............



Asaan Nahi Hotha Hai Kuch Rishte Thodna,Y
e Rishte Saanson Se Judi Hothi Hain....
Koi Kaise Rok Le Dil Ka Dhadakna,
Dhadkan Mein Kisi Ki Yaaden Hothi Hain....
Bhool Jaayen Hum Kaise Wo Pal,
Pal Jinme Hamari Zindagi Hai...
Hame Log Patthar Dil Kehte Hain,
Par Unhe Khabar Kya,Tujse Door Hoke Hum Apne Jindagi Se Door Hain.........
Waise Tanha Rahne Ka Hame B Shouk Nahi,
Lekin Hum Aur Kare B Kya,Hum Dono Apni Kismat se Majboor Hain...



kasam di tere yadon ko , yun tanhayion mein hame na sataye...
jis kahani ka anjaam na ho, woh afsana hame na sunaye...
chah ke be na laut payega jo, khade the hum usi ke intezar mein apni bahen failaye...


Kuch Zakmon Ko Chupana Padtha Hai,
Kuch Gam Ko Sehkar Muskurana Padtha Hai..
Hote Hai Halath Kuch Aise,
Apni Sanson Ko Rokkar B Jeena Padtha Hai...


Tanhai Mein Ye Dil Na Jane Kis Ki Yadon Ko Kagaz Pe Uthartha Hai ,
Jo Ban Jathi Hai Lakeeren, Unme Kisi Bewafa Ka Chehra Nazar Aatha Hai….
----------
Nafrat si ho gayi hai is mehfil se,
khudgarzi chalakthi hai har kisi ke nazaron se,
kisi aur pe kya aithbaar karen ai khuda ,
ab tho dil dartha hai khud ke dhadkan se.....




chod de thi umeed hamne vafa ki,nigahen khwab dekna chod de thi,aaj pata nahi kyon dhadkan tez ho gaye,lagtha hai yaron hum fir ishq ke shikaar ho gaye....

bahana dil behlane ka sahi,
kisi ne hame yaad tho kiya...
guzar rahe the sunsan galiyon se,
dabi hui awaz mein ,
najane kisne hame pukar liya....
do pal ke liye hi sahi,
kisi ke pyar mein hoke magroormaine b je liya...

ummed thi tuje ek din zindagi se jeet lenge,
aaj meri taqdeer ne hi muje hara diya...
tere liye chupa rakha tha jo mohobbat umr bhar ke liye,
usse chand aasuon mein aankhon ne baha diya....


sookh chuke hain ashk, saanse bejaan ho chuki hai ...
dil ki zubaan beaawaz ho chuki hai...
na hi koi afsaana hai na koi lafs...
likhe tho aur kya likhe,dastaan apni mohobbat ki khatm ho chuki hai......


Aaj fir woh lamhe yaad aaye,
Kuch toote sapne aansu banke beh gaye...
Umr Bhar Apni tanhayion se joojthe rahe hum,
Tohfa hai teri mohobbat ka,
Zindagi hum jeena bhool gaye.....


koi kya dard de payega hame,
hamare daaman mein kushiyan bahut hain...
ek wo bewafa hai tho kya hua..
humdum dost hamare bhaut hain...
ye teri galat fehmi hai,
ki hum akele hain..
saath hamare apno ki duan bahut hain...
rula dengi tuje meri yaaden,
kya karoge,teri dil mein saanse meri bahut hain....
---------------------------------------

Sook chuki hai ankeh,
Fir b kuch ashk baaki hai.
Hai alam mayoosi ka,
Fir b kuch aarzu baki hai.
Toote hai kuch, tho kya hua,
Daaman mein Khwab baaki hain.
Khuda ko nafrat hai humse,
Lekin is dil mein pyar baaki hai.
Beeth chuka hai din,
Lekin Shaam abhi baaki hai.
Manzil ki chah nahi,
Abi safar aur baaki hai.
Mauk ko keh do sabr kare,
Mere nasseb mein saanse baki hai.

A night at POP - I (short Story)

The tray could accomodate only 4 large beer glasses. But shankar somehow managed to place six of them. He was accustomed to this. It was weekend and "port of pavilion" was overcrowded. It always was on weekends. He did not want to waste the time in comming back for 2 beer glasses since the crowd was very impatient and rude. "Fools with money to burn!" Thats was his opinion of the clients he served every night. He was dressed in black half jacket on plain white shirt and formal black trousers, and finally choking him was red bow tie.

He carefully lifted the tray and hurried towards the main hall where all the action was. The moment he opened the door, he was greeted with dense clouds of smoke. Shankar was a non smoker and non drinker but he knew if ever he faced breathing problems, it would be thanks to his passive smoking. He hated the smoke. He hated the "fools with money". He hated to those girls. He hated the job. But he had no choice. If only he had not commited that small mistake.

He made his way through the dancing girls, careful not to step on the 10 Rupee notes scattered on the floor. He regarded money as Godess Laxmi and respected. He frowned when accidentaly he stepped on one of the notes. It was no time to stand there and pay his usual obedience to the Godess Laxmi. The clients , a small group of young men ( who he thought were those highly paid software engineers ), were getting restless. He rushed to their table and placed tray and dutifully served beer glass to each one of them personally. One of the young men, retreived his cigarett from and placed between his lips. Shankar elegantly took out the lighter from his pocket and helped him light his cigarett. He was rewarded with a 10 Rupee note. It was his first tip for the day. He returned a smile and started towards the door.

As he was helping himself among the dancing girls he heard someone call him by his name. He turned back. Sitting far across room on a small sofa was a man whom shankar recognized instantly. He reached the table and wished the man. "Good evening sir..." and smiled. This time the smile was genuine. "Good evening shankar... how was ur day?" Akash enquired. Akash was in his mid twenties, well built and always had that charismatic smile. He was always pleasant with everyone. Infact every other server competed with each other to provided service to him. And his generous tips were not the only reason.

"As usual sir. Shall i get you the regular?" Shankar asked. "That will be fine. And dont forget the kalmi." Akash smiled again. "How can i?" Shankar responded and turned back. Shankar failed to understand how can a guy spend so much in the band and still be far away from drinks. Akash's regular was lemon soda with salt. Shankar had never understood the reason. It was not that Akash was some kind of hard with money. His generous tips proved he had enough money to burn. And again the way he spoke and behaved with the grils there. He would not allow any girl near him. He just enjoyed their dance and would shower them with money. But never throw the money like other fools did. Lot of girls had tried to get him on to the dancing floor but failed. He knew the girls liked him. It was hard to see such a well behaved person among the rich pricks and creeps.

Akash was checking his cell phone when shankar arrived with his regular. Since shankar felt akash was busy with some message or something he did not offer any comment. He did not want to disturb his precious client. He placed the soda on the table and went and stood near the music system from where all the songs were controlled. Akash finished his message, tasted the lime soda, and nodded in shankars direction with approval. Shankar miled back said something to the person handling music system. It was Usman. Usman glanced at akash, gave a smile and pressed few button. And the speakers began to belt out "Dil de diya hai... jaan tumhe denge...."

Random apology

"was it a sarcastic comment?". My friend messaged me and for a moment i thought it was sent "by mistake". But then reflecting on the small conversation we had, i was sure it was for me. I always take care not to hurt anybody when i speak and thankfully there have been very few incidents where people have felt offended and in last few years i can say none at all.

While i went through the converstaion i had again in my mind, i was myself surprised at the way i commented. Whole converstaion had a bid of gray side to it. Anybody would have felt it was sarcastic. But that was not what surprised me. What surprised me was it was indeed sarcastic and very much unintentional at the same time.

As it is with me, when i commit a mistake i think over it. Cant help. Untill i make things clear i wont feel good. And surely i can never live with guilt of hurting anybody. So here i go about why my tone changed while talking to the person who i feel is the only friend in office who is in the inner circle of what i call Three Circle Theory and that is reason enough for me to be concerned.

Some experiences ( good or bad. only time will ) have thought me something. No to get involved emotionally with anyone. In common langugae it is termed as "attached". And i have maintained the distance and balance with everybody since i learnt my lesson. I even maintain very low level of communication with my team. But sometimes mistakes do happen and this time i take whole blame on me. There is simple reason for such a change in my tone even if it was just for a passing moment. I was upset. Or can it put as "being jealous"? I am not sure. I have always maintained guys are "kameenas" and i am no exception.

After three days of hybernating on the grand sofa at home, watching TV, i dont think i had any reason to be upset. But this time i think i crossed the line. To put it in plain, somewhere deep inside i could not tolerate third person interfering with my precious private time. I very well understand its foolish and very immature behaviour. But as i said it was a passing moment.

It is this kind of situations that create gaps later on and that leads to ugly scenes. We should be matured enough to understand that its natural for these minor things to happen over a period of time. Afterall nobody is perfect. I am not trying to justify myself here. I am just trying to say, i understand everything but then at the same time when few mistakes happen its best to ignore them.
Since i cant talk all this personally,( which i am sure will lead to lot of tounges wagging ) i am expressing my concerns here.

Meanwhile i cant pretend as if i am not influenced by that person. Yes sir i am impressed. But never ever seriously thought of pursuing. Its always not necessary that you are impressed and like some one and you should pursue them. Each relationship is like a rainbow. It should have all the colors.
I take this opportunity to thank all the people in my life and apologize if ever i had hurt them or offended them. Trust me it would have never been intentional and when it was intentional i have always said it on the face.

Some fun with ads on TV :D

I was watching TV. Hmmm. Let me tell you something. Its always bliss to have remote in your hands and it feels like hell when its out of your reach. This time remote was with this insane guy and he started surfing channels. After seen hell lot of ads i came up with an idea. Since i have been writing some serious stuff and totally lost touch with my scarcism i thought i will try to make this blog bit funny. So here it goes. All you have to do is imagine the ads that i mention here as you go on reading. Take care just to remember the part that is mentioned here. Not the whole ad.

"Kya kal raat ke baad aap pareshan hain...." (ipill add on first channel)
Click ( channel changed )
"Isliey experts ka kaam experts pe chod dena chahiye..." ( Anchor switch ad )
Click
"Shukr hai ab underwear tho adjust nahi karna padega...VIP..." (VIP ad)
Click
"Mazbooti ka jod fevicol ka..." (Fevicol ad)
Click
"Aaa kushi se khudkushi kar le...." ( MTV... ummmm Nisha kothari...)
Click
"Akhir pehli gaadi hai..." (Santro ad)
Click
"This species is on the verge of extinciton...." (Nat Geo)
Click
"Kya aapke toothpaste mein namak hai..." ( Colgate Ad )
Click
"Aaaj fir jashn manale...." ( Coke ad )
Click
"That was great cover drive from tendulkar...."
And the fun for me ends here.

Re-discovering myself

Last couple of weeks have been quite boring. There is nothing much happening since long other than an award for my performance and suicide attempt by my PG manager. Hey my award has nothing to do with his attempt at life. He survived but his wife died. Having seen the dead body outside the hospital, i was furious and frustrated. I have started to hate the hospitals even more. During this time chotu invited me to join her for a trip along with her current and ex collegues. I was hesitant at first, but then agreed.

It was a trip which i will remember for long time to come. The trip included events such as trekking, river rafting, kayaking and rapphling. It was almost 2 years since i went on tekking and so i was eagerly waiting for this trip.

The day started very badly. My finger rings were missing when i got up. After a fanatic search i gave up. I was issuing warning to all the PG boys to place the rings back, when i got a call from archana, who was waiting for me at Pavitra Paradise along with divya. PG guys suggested i stay back and cancel my trip and instead search for my rings. I dont know why but i felt like going ahead with my plans and i did. How many guys can be calm at losing something valued at more than 25k?? I dont know but i can. Reason. As i have been saying i beleive in law of karma.

I boarded the tempo traveller at Pavitra paradise along with archana and divya. Ashish and his cousin were already on board. Next we picked Naresh from vijaynagar. i have to mention here that we were lucky to have a instructor and guide like naresh leading us. I would call him "friend" rather than "tour guide". Next it was time to pick chotu, srikant, vidyashankar, bhanu and janardhan from mysore road junction. All the guys were on time except chotu and bhanu. Well this is not the firs time. Chotu is one of those IST loyals. She will make you beleive she is just 2 minutes away but in truth she would be still searching for keys to lock her doors.

To start with, this group was totally new to me. I mean except chotu and bhanu, everybody was a total stranger to me, though i had heard about few of them from chotu. But soon i could feel myself as one of them. All were so warm and comfortable. I really doubt anybody could stay stranger for long in this group. Some 30 minutes on the road, it was already time for our first stop. Bidadi. We had breakfast and soon the real trip began.

During this time i cam across a word starting with "s" which was treated with the same contempt as another word for animal excreata in english. Oh thats "Shit!". I never knew there were so many ways to piss off people. This "S" was master of this art from what i hear. If ever i find vidyashankar behind bars, i am sure it would be for eliminating this "S". As janardhan put it, "s" surely united people. or Atleast feeling of hate for her did.

Our next stop was savandurga. Here we explored caves. Hmmm. Let me take that back. We didnot explore caves but did do hell lot of rock climbing stuff. As usual, Naresh was at his best. Though i would have loved to do that whole day, we did not have much time. Rock climbing / mountain exploration is something i really enjoy a lot. And incidently i am quite comfortable at it. Need to check with my parents if somebody in my ancestors belonged to mountains (rocky though).

During this first phase vidyashankar was successful in keeping people excited and worried. Everybody was chanting "be careful!". These chantings were diverted towards him, and i dont think they affected him anyway. He is the guy with loads of confidence. Sometimes bit more than required i guess.

Once we reached the top of a rock, it was time for girls to take out their sun screen lotion. I never understand how girls can get into adventurous sports and still worry about their makeup and hair style. Everytime chotu, divya or archana faced cameras, they adjusted their hair. It did not matter if they were hanging on the rope while rope traversing or rapphling. When they ahd to face camera they seemed to even forget their fear of water. Strange are the ways of girls.

Soon after that we left for our camp at minchinbele. On the way there were few more "kirtans" and "bhajans" shared about "s" mahime. Meanwhile all the guys tried to make chotu sing a bengali song. We were not successful.

We parked our tempo traveller in the village and walked around 3 kms to the camp site. Once there people got excited about the prospects of getting into the water. Everybody put their life jackets and with instructions from naresh, jumped into water. I was the first to jump though i dont know swimming. But then, what is the fun in doing what we know. And with life jacket on, there was nothing to worry. But chotu and divya were not so confident. It took lot of cajoling and bahana bazi to make chotu get into the water. It would have been lot easy to make horse drink the water or get the buffalo out of the water.

Here we discovered two future olympians for inida. Srikant in kayaking and chotu in back stroke swimming. Srikant treated his boat like a ferrari and in his own words "test driving ferrari". We had great time in the waters and soon it was time for lunch.

Food was great. After lunch guys got lazy and were ready to doze off. Only girls were intrested to back into waters. Strange i thought. After few minutes of rest, we set on rafting. Next event was to do rope traversing.

While river rafting i felt our group would never reach other end of the river. We simply could not raft in sync. Eventually we made it. Next time i am sure we woulb be expert rafters. Rope traversing was fun. Few guys did struggle but then is not adventure all about that. Overcomming our struggles and fears. Janardhan did it twice. He seemed to be totally enjoying that. Bhanu was very reluctant but in the end he too participated. Well, me? I did it perfect. :)

Now it was time for rappling and we were prepared for the final event. Naresh again went about his instructions. It was strange to see bhanu to be the first one to attempt since he was so reluctant in the previous event. Next was archana and as usual she promised to scream and shout. This girl seemed to enjoy and have fun in doing everything with a loud noise. But again she is right. Whats the point in having fun with out expressing it with screams.

Few guys got hurt during this event. Minor scrathes. Divya tried twice before she got it right the third time. She was so furious with her injuries that she throwed away my cap. Bhanu tried in vain to retreive the cap but was not successful. Vidyashankar was totally tired by this time. He managed to rapphle down with ease though. From there we rafted back to our camp. After some tea and bit of chit chat we headed back towards bangalore. Before that we did thank naresh and his friends for such a wonderful experience.

Archana deserved all the applaud for the success of this tour. Everybody was sure to come back again sometime soon. And i was happy that after long i rediscovered my self.
Jumping into the waters knowing i am not a swimmer, i rediscovered my "no fear" attitude. Climbing the rocks and gripping my self i rediscovered that "i control my life". Raphling and river crossing proved i can still push myself to limits. Trekking showed me i still have the srength from my struggling days to walk miles with out getting exhausted.

All in all i rediscovered what i used to be couple of years back. And now i dont want to forget it. Because as it was known "Ram can do anything for he has got that confidence and will power"
I really thank this group for making me feel what i truly am. Away from the routine code, team meetings, pubs and shopping malls. And incidently i am posting this when i am supposed to be in the meeting.

Skipping meetings and bunking office is another type adventure sport! ;)

Peace of mind and Happiness

"Happiness is state of mind."

"You are what you give people to think about you."

Few days back i came across a friend's post who was very happy. So happy that you could feel the positive energy emanating from the post. And then suddenly my mind started monkey-ing around. What exactly is happiness? How do i define it and where and how does mind come into the picture? I know these questions seem very absurd or may even be foolish. But my mind was out of anything important or creative work for last few days. so it started churning strange thoughts. As usual these thoughts find their way to this blog.

Every person has his/her own definition of happiness. Defining happiness is in itself a futile exercise. Happiness is something that you feel. Similarly disappointment or sadness is also something you feel. So basically happiness and unhappiness both are just feelings. Feelings manifest themselves in terms of emotions. We exhibit hell lot of emotions. I can exhibit my happiness and unhappiness in many ways.

Emotions and feelings are controlled by mind. Now that is a statement. Ever wondered why women cry even when they are happy and also when they are unhappy. We often hear people saying "he/she controlled her emotions. he/she did not break down". See my point. We can control our emotions. Isn’t it. We can control our feelings. Let me say "our mind" instead of "we". Mind has control over everything. If feelings and emotions were random, then for example why don’t we get attracted to not so good looking people. Its the work of mind. It sees. It senses. It calculates. It rejects or suppresses. But when you spend some time with a not so good looking guy and understand his/her more intimately, you start liking that person. Again the mind is at work.

This is not true only for "love". Its true for all other emotions/feelings. Take for friendship. You just don’t form friendship until and unless you understand and feel good about that person. You don’t trust anybody until its proven and your mind accepts the proof. The mind is all powerful.

If "happiness is state of mind" ,so is "unhappiness" as well. The problem is on most occasions we lose control over our mind. Not over our emotions.

"State of Mind" is under our control. "State of mind" is not what we should try to achieve. "Peace of mind" should be the ultimate goal. Is not that what we talk of, when we say meditation.

Meditation is nothing but an exercise to control the mind and keep it at peace.

How many times have we not heard people say " I am happy with ____ but some how i am not comfortable with ____" Like i am happy with my career and job but at the same time am not comfortable doing meager tasks.

Most often we may be happy but not at "Peace of Mind". Lot of us get confused about the difference between being at peace with oneself and being happy.

Unlike happiness, having peace of mind is not a feeling or emotion. Peace of mind is something you can not exhibit with a single emotion. It is reflected in your behavior, your speech, your work, your confidence and your thinking.

We should try to achieve peace of mind rather than try to be happy. A psycho is happy doing what he does. But does he have peace of mind. No. Because his mind is restless and he finds happiness in being restless and frustrated. As i said earlier "being happy" has different meanings for different people. But having peace of mind is nothing but bliss. And meaning of it is universal.


I might have totally gone wayward trying to explain happiness and peace of mind in my opinion. As such it is a very difficult task. But the point i wanted to state was : "Peace of mind is what we should try to achieve. Happiness and unhappiness are just emotions which can be controlled and which are more dependent of external factors."


I know lot of you will get confused or treat this post as something totally not understandable. But truth is i myself feel the philosophy of happiness and peace of mind is out of comprehension for people like us.

Time pass....

Life is going smooth. Career wise , its the best phase so far. When you dont really do much work but get appreciated and awarded, where is the qustion of complaints. It doesnt always happen that way. :)
But still want to have a long vacation. Might go some where. Even a days trekking is fine with me.
Days are getting hotter. Its getting difficult to venture out in the sun. But again since i was born in bellary ( known for unforgiving summers ) and spent few early years of my life there, it is not very difficult as it seems. What is the best thing about summer? I dont have to think twice about getting drenched in the rain when i am in deep sleep. Where? Ofcourse terrace yaar!!
There was this small discussion about dowry over a cofee with my good friend. Both of us very well agree that it is very unfair practice. But something that i hate to hear is a well settled software engineer asking for the dowry. Dowry amount is directly proportional to a persons package,education, designation. Think about it. Dowry is highest among software engineers. I am ashamed to be called a software engineer if most of my collegues prefer dowry. Companies should do something about it. Like cut CTC by 50% if their employees take dowry. :) If you cant even take care of expenditures of your own marriage and take care of your spouse, how can you even think to get married? Just on the basis of dowry you want to survive?? Girls better ask your parents to invest that money in whatever options you have, and live life royally. Who needs a husband who takes your money to take care of your needs (most of the time his needs though) ?
Suddenly i have started to hate democracy. Yesterday on TV, saw few guys attempting to hang themselves as their leader was not given ticket to contest elections. Do they really think they can fool us? If i was the policeman incharge there, i would not waste my time cajoling them. If they hang themselves, We are down with few more irresponsible and senseless guys. If they dont, then there "nautanki" will be exposed. By the way, i really doubt if these guys will try to hang themselves or self immolate for the causes of clean water, power supply and sanitaion in their areas. Hmmm. Power of a biryani and and 650ml desi is so strong, it will get you truckloads of people to die for you.
Everytime i am on road, driving my angel, there are moments where i feel like requesting al-qaida to wage jihad against two wheelers in the city. Ok. Ok. I owned a two wheeler myself for more than three years but i have never zigzagged on the roads. Bangalorean two wheel riders are the craziest and dangerous species on earth. You dont need a army or scud missiles to conquer afghanistan or iraq. Just export our two wheel riding modern "yamas" and they can raze a country in hours.
Am planning a small story again. "Quest". Thats the name i am thinking of.
Finally why this nonsense post? Okay. I dont have anything better to do here in the office. No work. No meetings. Cant go home :( . And am bored of mails and chatting.

Sweet memories of a friend forever

It is well known among my "friends since long" that i dont take insults lightly. And anybody who rubs me the wrong way gets it back in some or the other way. But there are two people who have been successful in avoiding my wrath till date.

A businessman who owns a PVC pipes shop at a place called Indi, Bijapur.

A guy who did his engineering from a college in Bijapur.

There is one common factor between these two different people. I doubt if they have ever met. No the common factor is not the district (Bijapur). The common factor is a girl who claims to be my best friend. Of course her claim is valid i accept it. (but since she has not yet found a girl for me, i think i should reconsider her claim. ) It is almost a decade now since the first day we spoke to each other. Well, i was speaking and she listened. She had to. Afterall i was kind of mediator in a silly confrontation between her and another guy in our class. For that mistake of mine i am enduring the senseless and childish talk of her till date. But thanks to ISD rates, its not as often now.

I was such a nice guy in the college. My lecturers never had any problems with me. My regular absence from theory and lab classes ensured it remained that way. But one fine day, this girl instigated me to show my missile launching girls. Was it a challenge rather? But whatever it was, i took the pamphlet of the "Beauty saloon" she passed on to me, and launched it at the poor new lecturer who was scribbling something on the board. What followed next can fit into bollywood masala movie.

The lecturer turned back "Who did it?" ( I fail to understand why do people think a thief would say he stole the goods )

All faces were blank. "You there." She pointed towards me. I guess she noticed another pamphlet which i was trying to conceal under the book. I stood up hoping for the worst.

"Who did it?"

"I dont know mam"

"You are in the last bench. You should have seen from where it came from"

"No mam. I did not notice. I was writing down notes in the book"

"I was not dictating the notes.." ( Yes she was not. )

"" I was silent.

"Tell me who did it?" She asked again with lot more conviction.

"I dont know mam" I sounded so confident, i myself was surprised.

"Ok. I will complain to HOD about whole class. Did you see who did it?" She asked other guys. Nobody replied. At least there we showed unity as a class. But normally not many could dare to mess with me.

"Who is the Class Representative?" Another question of hers.

Again no reply from the class.

"Will the class representative please stand up?"

"He is already standing mam"

Somebody informed her. After that i dont remember anything. But over the time the lecturer became casual with me. In fact even now it makes me feel guilty.

My best friend made me feel guilty. Hmmm... But i can forgive her for that. Was not she the one who took two copies of printouts of c , c++ and lisp programs even though the lab incharge always was grumbling. One for her and one for the master of the world playing in the ground. In last 10 years we have had many arguments. Most of the arguments i had to lose unwillingly just because she said "Kaisa dost hain tu..." in a tone that still keeps me confused. I don’t know it was pity, sympathy, ridicule, convincing... or what?. One of the often repeated argument was about "the great" and "the greatest".

"There are only three greats. Ashoka, Alexander, Akbar and the fourth is me" She used to say and my reply would be "and only one The Greatest. That’s me". I was good with words even then you see.

She enjoyed lot of privileges being my best friend. And one of those surely backfired. She is the only person on earth who can call me kameena and still get away with that. Ironically i too don’t take offence for that. When you look at her you feel you are looking at a kid who denies to grow up. Well i wont dare to mention a peculiar hobbit of hers which will prove what i am saying.

In her own words i am the only person who can "bear" her tensions. But truth is i am the only person who listens to her dumb thoughts. ( I know she will kill me for this line. ) During college days and few years after that, if there was any sense of adventure in my life, it was due to her. I can narrate lot of incidents here but she has threatened to sue me if i mention them. Not that i am afraid, but just want to keep those incidents as little secrets and special memories which i will narrate to her grand children. Only after she got married that i got rid of those adventures. Thank god for that. (But on second thoughts i miss them like hell...)

People ask me how am i able to hear clearly even a whisper on the phone. Practice makes a man perfect. Thanks to her and the late night calls. How many people can actually use a cell phone while at home and still keep it untraceable for more than 2 years. Have to be someone like her. We usually talked for hours in the night. Well i used to talk and she used to whisper. There was somehow a kind of telepathy between us. I never believed in telepathy. But more than once she mentioned that whenever she felt "upset" her hostel phone would ring. And the caller is me. I am still not sure about this though.

Some of my earliest philosophies and thoughts were first showered on her. You know she was the only one who saw sense in what i talked at that point of time. And now lots of guys agree with what i post on my blog. I can write volumes about the 10 years our friendship has seen. May be some day. Oh forgot. I am the one who will teach her kids about everything that is bad in her opinion. She doesn’t want that to happen. But being what i am ( And she knows. Ram apne iradon ka pakka hai.) given a chance i will do that.

For now i will stop this. Because if i continue it will go on for ever. Comming back to the two guys.
That businessman is her father. And the guy was her classmate.
Her father snatched her purse, which i was holding when she bent down to tie her laces, and stared at me in college campus. Think about it. Unkown person staring at ME in MY college campus in front of MY friends.

When she was doing her engineering, i went to bijapur on a business trip. She was not available and so the chocolates i got for her were given to this guy to pass on. He never did. And i was termed as irresponsible and got a earful from her. Hmm...
My goal is to steal atleast a small PVC pipe from her fathers shop. She said she will help but never did. Obviously family bond is greater than other bonds. ( Now i am damn sure of that call from uk and getting earful for this line. )
Then when i get a chance to meet this guy.... I have not actually thought what i will do. Will think about it.

We have shared so many laughs and tears. So many thoughts and feelings. So many special moments. When i started this post i thought i will write them all. But words fail me. Let them just be that. Sweet memories of a friend forever.

MILK : Recipe for success.

"I fear you are getting materialistic with each passing day." My sister said while i was busy fiddling with my cell phone and chatting with mom. I did not offer any comment. I did not feel like. I normally dont get into arguments with my sister. It’s simply that we both have different policies but ironically both have same foundation and same goals. The paths are different and that usually causes lot of debates between us.

This time i did not offer my point of view. Being materialistic has different meaning to me. I don’t mind spending that extra buck. I don’t mind indulging myself in luxury. Most of the time i have had unnecessary expenditure which any person with a bit of thinking mind would have gladly avoided. But that’s not me.

MILK. Money. Influence. Luck. Knowledge. This combination is just deadly. And this is the most perfect recipe for success. What about hard work and dedication then?

Hard work is good. But smart-work is always preferred. Even extremists are dedicated guys. So for dedication towards right things you need right knowledge.

No matter how much avoid, you do come across guys in life for whom money is everything. When you are working towards a certain goal, you definitely dont want yourself stuck with some hurdles created by guys like these. Being nice means different for different guys. Keep in mind that sharing your money is considered "being nice guy" among many people in today’s scenario and there are hell lot of people who believe in that.

Just money doesn’t solve all your problems. Money is just a starter. You have to follow it up with influence. Influence is not only that phone call or recommendation letter. Its just a part of it and in most of the day to day activities you dont need them. You should have to ability to work your way against the person you are dealing. For that you should have mastered your words. You should have convincing attitude and authority in your character. You should learn to charm people. You should have the ability to influence their thoughts and look the things the way you look. That’s influence.

Luck, they say, is something that is not in your hands. I partially agree. Untill you test your luck, how will you ever know if it was on your side or not. Of course a person needs his share of co-incidents and accidents. But its how you see them. For me co incidents (luck) are the confirmation that i am doing right things. I dont believe in co incidents. I believe in action and reaction and these so called co incidents are just reaction to something i might have done earlier. ( As i said.. I just adore Law of Karma).

Having all these three is fine. But if you dont have knowledge, you will be "kicked out" of the race. Knowledge is like nuclear weapon. It has to be deployed very responsibly. Simple having knowledge is not sure shot sign to success but knowing how to use it is. Knowledge dosent mean only technical stuff. It also includes the tit-bits information you gather along the path.

So guys MILK is need of the hour. Without MILK it’s hard to survive and its no more survival of the fittest. It is survival of the smartest.

Concept of MILK was something i came across in college days. It was during a speech marking our annual day. I dont remember who it was. But i do remember the guys mentioned only two lines. "You should have milk to be successful. its money, influence, luck and knowledge"

And over the years i have explored those lines and felt the summary by the speaker to be perfect.

To know.(Unedited)

Since yesterday evening my mind has been preoccupied with something. So much that when i speak, i had to concentrate like hell not utter wrong words. Its time i salvage my mind from the annoying thoughts of mine. And as usual the thoughts find their place to this blog.

Everybody has heard this proverb. Most of us have used it as a weapon against others at some point of time in life or merely used it as a self solacing tool.

"A friend in need is a friend indeed."

"So true!!" You guys can say. But sorry. I have a different view. ( I always have one :) ). Doesn’t it sound bit selfish as well as childish?

Let me put it in a small story about three guys A,B and C. A and B are friends. C is a stranger. Hmmm. Lets do it bollywood style. C is villain. A and B share a "sholay" friendship. One fine day A is in need of money. (True bollywood style). A large amount. He goes to B and requests him. B is himself in financial trouble and so he says sorry (of course after lengthy emotional dialogues ). A is heartbroken. He reminds B of days when A used to buy lolly-pops for B. He then accuses A of being "dosti ke naam pe dhabba". C sees the opportunity and rescues A with lots of money. (Bolloywood villains are always dirty rich). A feels C is his friend. B is heartbroken he could not help A but he was practical. C is now "buddy buddy" with A. Intermission.


That’s it guys. Now tell me. Though B wanted to help A he could not. He had no means. A was in trouble and no body can deny that. But was it fair on the part of A to accuse B. Should B have done something to help A. Why did not B go to C , take money and hand over ot A. Later B could have faced the bad man. Just because B was helpless doesn’t mean he was not friend of A.

Okay. Its getting out of hand. I will stop that. I told you, my mind is working overtime so bit exhausted.

Coming straight to the point, are not we selfish when we say "if you are my friend...". A friend is a friend. Period. Look at the definition of friend. It is devoid of any constraints. We have very bad habit of adding conditional statements in every thing we come across. That’s bad.

I have always maintained, we should look at the circumstances. A good person may read the individual, but it takes a mature man to read the circumstances. What the hell? Every time i put forth something, every time i think about various aspects of life, i end up with circumstances and expectations. Life puts us through lots of situations. And our character, attitude and happiness depends on our action or reaction.

Is it not true that we always react in life. There are damn few opportunities where we get to act. But then even that action is result of earlier reaction. Life is never ending loop of actions and reactions.


To know how to react is to know how to be happy. To know when to act is to know the confidence and strength in you. To know when to just sit back and let the control go off is to know when to be contended.

And to know all this, learn from the circumstances in you life.

Suicide Point.

I reluctantly agreed to drive my sister to melkote and kere thondanur last saturday. Reluctantly because, the climate in bangalore was making me damn lethargic. Still the drive and location were more than spectacular. It was just the kind of trip i needed to refresh myself. I have been very less enthusiastic and kind of low since few days.

All through the journey, drizzling rain followed us. And once we took right turn after Mandya it was nature at its best. Green fields greeted us. Its always so refreshing and reassuring to just drive past green fields. I still have memories of my childhood when we eagerly awaited one of those trips to villages. We spent as much time as possible in the "Thote" and "canals". More often we could spend hours just near that big pipe chugging out water in the middle of the "thote". In the afternoons under the shade of big neem or tamarind tree, awaiting food from home.

Comming back to melkote trip ( i usually get carried away by nature and its beauty), we had climb steep steps to reach the temple. Half way through the steps, on the right side you will find a space large enough to accomodate 50 people. Basically its a face of huge stone. I walked towards the end of the stone and was struck at the spendid beauty in front of me. It was still drizzling. Somewhere far out there , hills were covered in mist. ( I guess that effect was due to raing. ). At another place there was a small gap in the cover of clouds from which sun was peeking. The wind was cold and i was relishing every moment of it.

"This is called suicide point." My sister informed me who had apparently caught up with me on the climb. "Nobody would probably die, if they jump from here. At the max they would be paralysed for life" My sisters friend added. I looked down below. Infact there were enough sharp stones to effect the "KILL". I did not offer any comments.

I was tired of driving and handed over the keys to Amit while returning. At that moment i realised that my mind was already contemplating the suicide point.

Few days ago i read in the newspaper that 90% of people who try suicide, survive. And more. They are under serious stress and have to endure the trauma till they die. Most of the suicides i have come across in life and in news papers in genral, are due to two reasons. Failed in exams or rejection in love (Other being some idiots playing blowing-up-self game at every given chance).

I wont talk about people thinking about suicide ( i have covered this already here ). What goes through the prospective suicider, when he/she is standing on such a vintage point. How do they fail to notice the beauty lying ahead of them. The beauty in itself is inspiring and motivational enough to live the life. I am sure lot many would-have-been-suiciders have stopped just ahead of that fatal jump due to this.

Nature is just awesome. Its rules are fundamental rules for life as well. It inspires. It brings best of us. Its magical. Its wonderful. It looks fabulous even when it is voilent. You have to appreciate the mystical power it has. So anybody there thinking of that "jump", be sure look ahead, take a deep breath and feel the beauty of nature. That may just charge you to take on life.

Unkown Pain..

Years have passed,Days have gone by.
Somewhere deep in heart,I still feel the pain.

I stretch my hands and surrender to the clouds,
cool breeze caresses my face.
It fails to heal the heart.
So does the loving rain.
I still feel the pain.

I question the stars with moist eyes,
What is the cause of these tears.
They also seem not to know the reason.
So does the caring moon.
I still feel the pain.


Whom do i ask? Whom do i question?
My world is full of joy,
Which i will bargain.
Just to know,
Dear why i still feel the pain?.

The final choice : Short story

"Just do it!" was written in bold white with black background. Above it was the nike logo. There were other graffeti on the door but this one made krishna kumar hesitate for a moment. He was about to do which was not heared of. As he opened the door and stepped into the dark and gloomy room. It was his son's room. They were not affluent but still he had managed to provide his son a private room in the house which had just one bedroom, a kitchen, a store room and a hall. The store room itself was converted into a private room for his son. It contained all the unwanted furniture piled up. I also had a small cot and few books scattered on it. On the far end of the cot was a broken cricket bat balanced over it. There was a thin thread running diagonally in the room which was overburdened with the apparel of his son.

Krishna kumar had a look around the room and dragged a small broken stool from the stock of old unwanted furniture. He took out a large bottle of McDonals Whishky,2 Ltr bottle of Sprite, few chips from his leather bag and placed on the stool. He checked his watch. it was 12.30 AM. He knew his son would be back by this time today. As he sat on the cot waiting for his son he remembered something. Water. Though he never indulged in drinking he very well knew water was one of the important ingredients in a good drink. He got up and walked towards the kitchen.


A white Tata Sumo, with loud music parked outside a small house. A lean boy in his late teens got down. He was hardly able to stand. He stood their waving his hand and shouting something that hardly made any sense, as the Sumo zoomed ahead. As he turned and started to open the gates he noticed the lights still burining. "Another session of lecture and descipline. Dont these old people have anything to do? " he wondered as he walked into the house.

He wasnt suprised that door to his room was opened but he surely was surprised at the large McDonals Whisky bottle. He sensed something was different today but he hardly was aware of what was comming. He lifted the bottle and was examining it.

"Bit early today?" His father was behind him holding two glasses and stainless steel water mug. Rajesh kumar was did not know what he felt like. He had expected his father to start the lecture all over again frowning about his late arrival. But today his father did not show any sign of that. Infact he had arranged the drinks. He stood there watching his father pouring drinks into the glass.

"Thought we will share few pegs on the death anniversary of your mother. Hope you wont mind?" Krishna said with a smile. Rajesh was confused. He did know what to say. He just walked over and sat on the cot.

"I know you are suprised. But of late i have realized we have to be friends with our children. So i want be like your friends with you. After all these years of trouble in our relationship i want to make a fresh start." Krishna continued.

Rajesh had still not come to terms totally. He felt he was dreaming. The only way to test it was to down his most favourite whisky. He took the glass from his fathers hand and in a second gulped whole of it.

"Seems you are in a lot of hurry! Cheers my boy!" Krishna raised his glass, and took a sip. He did not knew it tasted so bad.




One hour later

---


Downing his last peg Rajesh was laughing. Krishna also joined him. Both of them did not know what they were laughing about. Krishna stood up and walked towards far corner of the cot. Rajesh was busy pouring the last remaining drops of whisky onto his glass. "Just do it!" Krishna though for a second. He lifted the cricket bat and with his full strength gave a mighty blow on Rajesh's head. Rajesh did not scream. He hardly had any strength for that. He turned around bleeding and saw his father. He knew it would be the last time he will ever see his father again. The man who was responsible for his worthless life had decided to end it all. For the first time ever Rajesh felt his father had done him a favour.

Krishna stood there as his son stared at him. Ironicaly his eyes were as innocent as they were when he held Rajesh for the first time. Krishna had lot of dreams about his son. He was supposed to realize all his dreams. But something along the way had changed. He had to end it all. He had to end the worthless life of his son. He had to end his dreams. He had to end the brooding parasite of the society. And then he knew the had to end himself as well. He took out a blade from his pocket and slashed his wrists.

He sat beside his son. Both men were staring at each other trying to figure out what was behind those eyes. As time would pass, all the blood in their bodies would flow out. It coulb be days before neighbours found them. Nobody was ever intrested in their house.They were sure to die.

---

"He will be like master blaster sachin" Savitha said excitingly as she and krisha saw thier son hold the small plastic cricket bat. Rajesh was 4 years old. He was a very hyperactive kid. His parents loved his mischiefs. Krishna was working as a school teacher. He was a contended man. He had a beautyful wife and a kid who he beleived was sure to be a great personality one day. He was an atheist. But soon he would pray to each and every god. Rajesh was doing well at his school. His teachers loved the way he behaved. He was "the perfect". Good in studies and extra ordinary in extra carcular activities. But soon all this was to be changed. Krishna was busy with his history class when he got the news. He rushed to the hospital.
Savitha had met an accident while returning from her daily shopping of vegetables. She was declared dead on arrival. Krishna was shattered. Rajesh was informed about this by his uncle who later took him to hospital. Few months later Krishna had just started to recover when the talk of his second marriage started among his relatives.

"You are still young and also have small child who has to be taken care of. You cant bring back your wife but you have the responsibility of providing your child the happyness of true family." They tried to convince Krishna. After much argument Krishna finally agreed. He wanted to give his son a complete family. He wanted his son to grow up with out missing his mother. With in one year of Savitha's death Krishna married again. Gayathri was a distant relative. Krishna felt he owed a lot to Gayathri as she had agreed to marry a widower and also bring up his child. Months flew by. Krishna was getting more engaged with day classes and tuitions. He was now teaching Higer Secondary students. Other than History he was burdened with Arts and Literature. He was the Head of Extra circulare Activities commitee.

Krishna beleived his life was on right path again. One day he was summoned by the Head Master of Rajesh's school. When Krishna returned home that day in the evening he was furios. "Where is Rajesh?" He enquired with Gayathri. "He must be playing with his friends" Gayathri answered. "You know what your son is upto nowdays in the school?" He thundered. "How should i know" Gyathri shrugged. She always hated "your son" being used by Krishna. Rajesh was not her son. He was Krishnas. She was craving for son of her own but Krishna never really bothered. When Rajesh returned back from his play he saw his father waiting for him. By the expression on his fathers face he realized his father some how knew what he had done.

"I never expected this from you. You have been given enough warnings in school for you aggressive behaviour and you dont seem to mend your ways. What do you think. You can go around bullying other kids in the school. And what the hell about your grades. Are you not intrested in studies? " Krishna just went on. Rajesh was not intrested. He was busy examining his cricket bat and thought "I need a new bat."


That was just the begining. Years passed by. Rajesh did not change. He failed more than once in his school. No matter how much krishna scolded and beat up Rajesh, things hardly improved. Rajesh was now the oldest kid in his class. With great difficulty he passed SSLC and enrolled himself in a college. Krishna tried to talk with Rajesh many times. He wanted to know why his son , a brilliant small boy, had turned into such a menace. He thought it was the occupational hazard of being a teenaged boy. Krishna sensed that Rajesh was not really bothered much about his father or mother. He relaized late that his son was going out of hands. He blamed everything on the friends circle of Rajesh. He beleived they had spoiled his son. The future Master Blaster. When ever he talked about Rajesh's friends rajesh would get aggressive. Krishna even though of sending his son to a college in different city but then setteled against it. Its better to have him in front of his eyes so that he could keep a tab on him. That was the reason why Krishna never allowed his son to go out of city for even tournaments. Rajesh failed again in his first year PUC. On the day results were announced he went home late. He was drunk. Krishna was more furious than ever. The same lecture about descipline followed with a request to shun his friends. When Krishna saw his son was not intrested and already had dozed off a chill went up his spine. "I have been doing all i could. But its getting worse. What am i supposed to do more?" He questioned himself without any answer in sight.


Then one fine day Krishna got a call on his cell during his training session for Annual Day celebrations. It was from Sub Inspector Vikram. "Your son under arrest. Can you come to the station". Krishna hurried towards police station.




SI Vikram was a loud mouthed policeman. He had intimidating personality and after nearly a decade in the uniform knew how to handle offenders. When Krishna reached police station Vikram was busy talking on the phone. His eyes searched for Rajesh. Rajesh was sitting at a nearby cell among few other of his friends. Rajesh turned away from Krishna. "You are Krishna?" SI Vikram asked keeping the receiver down. Krishna nodded. His expressions clearly stated he was going through mixed feelings of frustration,anguish,worry and fear of unknown. Sensing this Vikram said "Nothing much to worry. But it could have been worse."

"What worse than this? I am at police station for some unknown sin of my son and this guy says not to worry" Krishna thought. "Actually your son was involved in a drunken brawl at Gangothri Bar with gang members of some well known rowdy sheeters of the area. Bar manager called us and we were able to intervene at the right time. Since your son dosent have any earlier record we will leave him without booking any case. But I thought you should be aware of this and next time this can be serious. All you have to do is sign in here " Vikram handed over a thick register to Krishna. "Thank you sir. I assure you this wont repeat." Krishna was releived , though not completely. "By the way be careful. Big guys dont like small fish hurting them." Vikram advised as Krishna walked out of the station. Rajesh followed him.

Late that night when Krishna wanted to know what was Rajesh doing at Gangotri all rajesh said it was "Friends party". Before Krishna could grill him more , Rajesh was safely locked behind his room. Krishna felt helpless. How could he descipline a grown up boy. How could he make Rajesh beleive life has lot more to offer. He wanted to talk with but Rajesh was never willing. Krishna hardly knew what was going in Rajesh's life. His son had become stranger to him. A unknown mystery.



"Mommy... Look i got A+ again.." Rajesh was beaming as he ran into the room with one hand waving the yellow report card and other clutching the empty water bottle. Savita was working on her new saree with the sewing machine. She put aside all the stuff and bent down to hug her darling son. " I know you will always be on top " She said looking at the report card. And both of them hurried towards kitchen, Rajesh dancing around her. He knew another honey cake was in the offering. Rajesh and Savita shared a very strong bond. With Krishna spending most of his time away from home , busy with his cultural activities. Rajesh and savita spent most of the evenings together. Rajesh did go out to play with his friends but he always insisted his mother watch his batting from the balcony. He cherished every moment of it. His mother's cheers motivated him to be at his best. Savita made it sure Rajesh never missed on home works. With his ever smiling and compasionate mother guiding him Rajesh was quick with his work and did well in schools exams. Rajesh hardly missed his father. He was more comfortable with his mother than his father. He feared his father, but never loved him.


Rajesh was in for a shock when his uncle suddenly arrived at his school. Rajesh felt something was bad but could not figure it out. Rajesh's uncle looked tensed. He did not know how to break the news to Rajesh. Even after several repeated questions about why they were comming out of school before the last bell, all his uncle said was "Mommy wants to see you." Rajesh felt strange. "Mommy is going somewhere?" he asked. "How do i tell you." Rajesh's uncle hesitated. " She is going on long journey. So before she leaves she wants to talk with you." "I want to go with mommy.." Rajesh protested. "No you cant..." Before Rajesh could pester his uncle for more, they were standing at the entrance of Vivekanand General Hospital. It was the first time Rajesh has seen such a building. As they walked around the corridors, Rajesh saw people wearing white attire walking by. There were few people who looked sick and some were just roaming around casually. "Is this the big school?" Rajesh asked his uncle. Answer was silence.


As they approached emergency ward , Rajesh's uncle gripped his hand more firmly. Rajesh saw few people standing at the door. They were familiar faces. And among them was his father who was crying loud. Rajesh was confused. He had never seen his father cry. For that matter he hardly remembered his father having any expression on his face at all. "How is she now?" Rajesh's uncle asked one of the person standing there. "She is no more."


When Rajesh woke up there was silence all over the room. He wanted to meet his mother. He hardly remembered what happened yesterday. All he could recall was people crying aloud, then his mother being brought out of the ward with white bandages covering most of her face. Then he was at some ground and in front of him was a huge pyre like which Rajesh had never seen. All through this he expressed his desire to go to his mommy. But everytime he experssed this with whomever he could, he just heared wailing. He never thought adults cried so ugly. It took few days for him to realise his mother was dead and what "dead" meant.

As days passed by Krishna spent more and more time with his cultural activities. Rajesh was under the care of some distant relatives for some time. Then one day heared his uncle calling out for him. When he rushed towards the hall he saw his uncle holding a box of sweets. "You know what? You will have a new mommy!" His uncle was very excited. But Rajesh wasn't excited. He wanted to know what was this new mommy. But restrained. He had become very reculsive. It at all there was a person with whome he shared everything it was his mommy. And he had decided he will wait till he could join his mummy at the god's house and then bear his heart out to her. At school Rajesh was reculsive but he showed wild aggression whenever his classmates taunted him about his step mother. On one such occasion he had broken hand of a boy with hockey stick. Immediately his father was summoned to school.


After few months Rajesh was back at his home. This time he saw a stranger in the kitchen. That was Gayathri. His step mother. Since the day one Rajesh hated his step mother. He never knew why. There was some strange feeling that this woman was responsible for his mother going on long journey. Gayathri tried to gain confidence of Rajesh quite a few times but failed. Finally she gave up. Again Krishna was not at home most of the times. Gayathri spent her time reading magazines. Rajesh felt very lonely. He missed his mother. He would often sit in the room alone and imagine his mother at his side and start telling her his daily adventures and misadventures. He lost intrest in the studies. He no more liked to mingle with his friends. On occasions he saw his father and step mother share some joke and laugh. And Rajesh hated his step mother even more.


Years passed by. Rajesh was in college. For few days in college Rajesh avoided everybody. Then one day he met Ananth. Ananth was dark coloured and had curly hair. He always wore a silver chain which glittered in the sun. He had a strong physique. When few of the seniors were bullying Rajesh, Ananth had rescued him. Rajesh felt ananth was saving him because they belonged to same class. The truth was Ananth had already started establishing his own gang in the college and he wanted to assert his power among the seniors as well. Soon Rajesh was seen following Ananth wherever he went. For Rajesh it was the feeling of being safe and recognized with the powerful gang in the college. For ananth, Rajesh was yet another "Chela" of his. Soon Rajesh was smoking stuff. It gave him immense pleasure. Whenever he smoked stuff he felt disconnected with this world. He was in the world where his mother would still be waiting for him to hear all his stories. It was Ananth's birthday and he arranged for a party to all his "Chelas". It was supposed to be an all night party. Rajesh was eager to join the party. The party was arranged at a resort. For the first time Rajesh tasted Whisky. He loved the kick it provided. Soon after 3 pegs he collapsed. But the liquor bug had caught him. He went out with Ananth more frequently. And on some occasions stole from his home to fund the party.


During one such party, Ananth picked up quarrel with a group of persons sitting on the near by table. Later they realised they were the big boys of the area. Rajesh had thought Ananth yeilded enough power and influence to take them on. But he realised there were bigger and certainly more powerful gangs outside the college campus. Before the trouble could get worse police arrived and took all the involved culprits to the police station. Rajesh was struggling to speak. One of the constable put his hands in upper pocket of Rajesh and took out College ID card. From that card they got Krishna's cell number . One hour later Krishna was in police station staring at Rajesh.



Rajesh and Ananth were driving through Gandhi market. Ananth was worried as he knew he was taking a chance. At any turn he could be facing "The Garudas". They were powerful and had good presence in Gandhi Market. And the "Sultans", to which ananth belonged to, seldom dared to enter the market with out proper preparation. Rajesh was not aware of this. He was still under the effect of Whisky he had been drinking since morning.

They stopped in front of a small pan shop. Ananth parked his bike and asked Rajesh to wait. He then proceeded towards the Pan shop. Rajesh could see Ananth having a small animated converstation with the pan wallah and then walk with into a nearby lane. Rajesh was already feeling sober. He balanced himself with one hand firmly on the bike. Rajesh was took out his cell to check the time when he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. Even before he could turn back something hit him hard and he lost his balance. He had fell on the bikes parked near by taking them down along with him. When Rajesh recovered from this shock he saw around four guys surrounding him with hockey sticks in their hands. "Where is Ananth?" One of the guy who was wearing red chequered shirt and blue rough jeans, with blood red eyes and a thick mustach, roared at Rajesh. "I..I..dont know." His right elbow was hurting due to the blow. He was in lot of pain. "You are with him. Tell us where he is and we will spare you.. " The other guy chipped in. Rajesh was silent. His thoughts were full of pain in his body, that was increasing with every passing second. "Dont hurt him. He is already drunk and he will die if we hit him." Rajesh looked up. One of the guy had raised his hockey stick, appraently to hit him. The guy with red shirt was staring at Rajesh and studying him.


"Look there..." Somebody was shouting. When all the guys turned their heads towards the direction from where the voice came from, they saw a short and fat guy pointing towards the lane where Ananth had disappeared before they arrived. Ananth saw the guys and started running. The guys chased him. Rajesh was still on the fallen bikes and struggling to stand up. He was too drunk to stand and was helped by few people who had gathered there when he was surroneded by the Garudas. Rajesh hired an auto and headed towards home. All through the journey he though only one thing. "How could Ananth leave me in such a mess and run for his life? Afterall i am his best friend."


When Rajesh woke up his room was dark. He checked his watch. It was 10 PM. He had slept for 6 Hours. He remembered how Ananth had started running when he saw the Garudas. He felt betrayed. He felt depressed. How could his best friend leave him in trouble? What was Ananth doing at Gandhi Market and Why the hell had Rajesh accompanied him? Well all that did not matter him. He felt insecure. He felt betrayed. "Mommy..You know what....everybody is selfish... everybody...please take me where you are..." He thought as he stared at his mothers chair in his room and few drops skipped his eyes.


Krishna was busy correcting few test books when Mr.Shastry walked into the staff room. "You know the news? Saunshi is getting retired next month." He said. Saunshi was principal of the school. He was a doctarate in sanskrit. And was also known as "Bull Dog" among the staff and students for his strict dicipline. "Sounds great!" Krisha said with a smile.

"Actually thats good news. But you know what i was thinking of?" Shastri pulled a chair beside Krishna and slipped into it.

"What?" Krishna was inquisitive.

"Retirement. We will also retire in couple of years. But what has this profession given us. Are we financially stable?"

"But we will get provident fund, pension and more over just earning money is not important for a teacher." Krishna went back to his test books.

"How much pension do we get. It will hardly be able to get us two meals a day. And i have two daughters. Their dowry will kill me. My troubles are somewhat minimal compared to you. I atleast take tutions earn more than the salary. What about you? Are you not worried about from where you will get lakhs of ruppes when your son gets into engineering?"

Krishna experinced unknown fear. He had not thought about this. "I dont think he will do engineering. Let him clear his PUC exams first." He closed his test books, and walked out of the staff room.


Sitting at the library Krishna was thinking about what shastry had spoken about in the morning. "How will i manage finances for his studies?" He thought. But the most important question was how to make Rajesh get clear his PUC and get good marks enought to get eligble for CET. Krishna knew Rajesh could well get Rank , provided he concentrated. "But he is not concentrating on his studies. I need to talk to him." Krishna decided.


When krishna reached home, he went straight towards his son's room. Rajesh was in deep sleep. Krishna walked towards the cot and bent to wake his son. He smelled a strong odour of liquor. His temper rose. He stared at his son for a while and walked out of the room. "He wont change..."




Gayathri was packing her clothes in a suitcase which was already overflowing. She had to catch a train leaving to Mysore at 7 AM. Krishna was at his desk checking the train ticket. There was a air of excitment and joy around her. She always felt great to be with her parents, away from the lonely and depressing atmosphere at her own house. She heared a loud knock at the doors. "Comming" she shouted and the knocking stopped. She rushed to the kitchen to fetch a bowl to collect the milk. While passing through the hall she checked the clock. It was ticking at 6.15. "He is early today" She thought. When Gayathri opened the door, her facial expressions changed to that of unexpected fear. SI Vikram was staring at her. Two other constables were behind him. Last thing she ever expected was to find police at her doorstep early in the morning.

"Is Rajesh at home?" Vikram asked in cold voice. "Yes i guess" She wasnt sure. Rajesh was like a stranger to her and they never bothered to even say "hi" to each other. "Anything serious! " She was already trembling with fear. Meantime Krishna walked into the hall and was shocked to see SI Vikram standing at the door. He thought his worst nightmare had come true.

Vikram could read the minds of Gayathri and Krishna. "Can i come in?" He asked and walked into the house with out waiting for the answer. "What is the matter sir?" Krishna stammered. Vikram did not answer. Ignoring the stares he placed himself on the wooden chair. "Is Rajesh home?" His eyes were probing the hall. "He must be in his room." Gayathri was now slowly walking towards Krishna. Vikram could not longer hide his motive. He felt pity and decided he could no more play it tough. "Nothing srious. His friend Ananth was murdered yesterday night. And.." Even before vikram could finish his words Krishna was shivering. "Rajesh could not have done this.I swear. He may be a rouge but definately not a murderer." He was pleading.

Vikram let out a smile."I am not here to arrest Rajesh nor to interrogate him. Please relax. We have information it was gang rivalry. Just wanted to warn Rajesh to be at a safe distance from all this. And if he knows anything i want him to report me" Krishna and Gayathri looked at each other. "I am sorry. I just got... I I lost ..." Krishna hardly knew what he was talking. "I guess i have made myself clear. Its better if Rajesh is out of town for few days." Vikram suggested.

"Do you mean they are after my son?" Krishna got anxious. "Well may be and may not be. But prevention is better than cure." Vikram got up. "I am leaving. But again i repeat - Its better Rajesh keep out of all this shit." And he walked out of the home leaving Krsihna and Gayathri staring into unknown.


"Good morning sir..". His students sang in uncoordianted chorus as soon as Krishna stepped into the class. Krishna did not respond. He walked slowly upto the table, placed his books and chalk peice and stared at the students. There was no doubt among the sutdents that he was preoccupied with some thing in his mind. Krishna could hear the little murmurs taking place in his class. Krishna felt a chill and felt a terrible pain in his chest. He was sweating. Everything in the class room started to spin and he went blank. All he could hear was students running towards him and somebody shouting "inform the principal.."



Rajesh was unaware of Vikrams visit. When he was awake he walked into the hall lazily. Just when he was looking for the tv remote Shiva was at his doorstep. He was breathing hard. "whats the matter?" Rajesh asked. "Ananth is dead.."


When Krishna opened his eyes he was surrounded by school staff. Nobody had cared to call for ambulance. On duty doctor of the school had informed them that nothing was serious and krishna need just some rest. He was not qualified enough to know it was mild heart ache. Krishna knew that. He wanted to see a well qualified doctor at the nearest hospital but he though about it for a while and suppressed his feelings. He excused himself from the school staff and walked back home. Reaching home he found no one. He took out a letter and started scribbling. 15 minutes later he took the envelop and placed on the tv stand. He locked his home and walked briskly towards nearby wines shop.


As Rajesh was approaching the motuary he could see people at the door with moist eyes. Somewhere from inside he could hear cries of Ananths mother. She was inconsolable. She was surrounded by few woman and Vikram was busy with few papers in his hands discussing with some constables. Rajesh walked towards Ananths mother and sat infront of her. She didnt acknowledge his presence. Vikram saw rajesh and called him over. He did not show any sentiments. He blankly asked rajesh " Do you anything that i ought to know?" Rajesh's eyes were still fixed on Ananths mother. With each passing moment he though how his mother would have reacted in similar circumstances. "Do you know the killers?" Vikram asked again. Rajesh felst sick. He was unable to talk. He walked out of mortury without reacting to vikram. Vikram stood there staring at rajesh's back.

Rajesh walked straight to Krishna's school. He went to staff room and looked for his father. "Might be busy with class" He thought. He walked towards the center table, took out a plain sheet, scribbled something and placed in one of the test books his father was correcting. Other staff members were watching all this. They had heard about rajesh, so nobody wanted to involve him talks. Rajesh stared them for a second or two, and walked out of the room.


When he was out of school campus he headed towards his home. Just them a white sumo stopped infront of him. Shiva got down from the vehicle and came towards Rajesh. " We are going to drink in his memory... its too much for us to handle his loss... come join us..." He was sobbing. "No. I have taken a decision..." Even before he could finish he was being literally dragged by shiva. "In his memory..." He kept on repeating. Rajesh finally nodded. "In his memory.."


-----------



Vikram was staring at the cellar. He was amused by the incidents. Rajesh and Krishna were found dead early morning when gyathri returned from her tour. Later that afternoon Vikram came in possession of two letters. Its contents made him pity both Rajesh and Krishna. "Life is curel indeed.." He thought.



The End.

Note: We dont need to be very imaginative to know the contents of the letters. If you still feel i have to include them, then i will.