Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Random apology

"was it a sarcastic comment?". My friend messaged me and for a moment i thought it was sent "by mistake". But then reflecting on the small conversation we had, i was sure it was for me. I always take care not to hurt anybody when i speak and thankfully there have been very few incidents where people have felt offended and in last few years i can say none at all.

While i went through the converstaion i had again in my mind, i was myself surprised at the way i commented. Whole converstaion had a bid of gray side to it. Anybody would have felt it was sarcastic. But that was not what surprised me. What surprised me was it was indeed sarcastic and very much unintentional at the same time.

As it is with me, when i commit a mistake i think over it. Cant help. Untill i make things clear i wont feel good. And surely i can never live with guilt of hurting anybody. So here i go about why my tone changed while talking to the person who i feel is the only friend in office who is in the inner circle of what i call Three Circle Theory and that is reason enough for me to be concerned.

Some experiences ( good or bad. only time will ) have thought me something. No to get involved emotionally with anyone. In common langugae it is termed as "attached". And i have maintained the distance and balance with everybody since i learnt my lesson. I even maintain very low level of communication with my team. But sometimes mistakes do happen and this time i take whole blame on me. There is simple reason for such a change in my tone even if it was just for a passing moment. I was upset. Or can it put as "being jealous"? I am not sure. I have always maintained guys are "kameenas" and i am no exception.

After three days of hybernating on the grand sofa at home, watching TV, i dont think i had any reason to be upset. But this time i think i crossed the line. To put it in plain, somewhere deep inside i could not tolerate third person interfering with my precious private time. I very well understand its foolish and very immature behaviour. But as i said it was a passing moment.

It is this kind of situations that create gaps later on and that leads to ugly scenes. We should be matured enough to understand that its natural for these minor things to happen over a period of time. Afterall nobody is perfect. I am not trying to justify myself here. I am just trying to say, i understand everything but then at the same time when few mistakes happen its best to ignore them.
Since i cant talk all this personally,( which i am sure will lead to lot of tounges wagging ) i am expressing my concerns here.

Meanwhile i cant pretend as if i am not influenced by that person. Yes sir i am impressed. But never ever seriously thought of pursuing. Its always not necessary that you are impressed and like some one and you should pursue them. Each relationship is like a rainbow. It should have all the colors.
I take this opportunity to thank all the people in my life and apologize if ever i had hurt them or offended them. Trust me it would have never been intentional and when it was intentional i have always said it on the face.


Towsifa said...

wow Ram....You have put across everything soo well..!!
I know u since sometime and watever i know abt you, one thing is for sure that u can nvr ever hurt someone intentionally...so there is no question of apologising from your end...
Just to add on to what u have written - Friendship(or any relation for that matter) is a relation that grows each day, and finally it reaches a stage where u dont have to express yourself with 'words', every action is understood between friends and the level of friendship is soo strong that trifle matters can(infact should not) never cause any kind of misunderstanding between them, even if it does(as u said no one is perfect) it should be forgotten and forgiven. This is my definition of friendship...
i guess my comment is going to exceed its max limit..so i will stop it here...
just to end(a little tadka or garnish to watever i said)....u are a wonderful friend one can ever possess and am sure no one wld ever take a risk of loosing a honest friend like u over little issues or arguments :)

Gouri said...

i have done these mistakes too.. and it feels really miserable on those days when we act without thinking for a moment.but i think with time we again get norma :)