Suicide Point.

I reluctantly agreed to drive my sister to melkote and kere thondanur last saturday. Reluctantly because, the climate in bangalore was making me damn lethargic. Still the drive and location were more than spectacular. It was just the kind of trip i needed to refresh myself. I have been very less enthusiastic and kind of low since few days.

All through the journey, drizzling rain followed us. And once we took right turn after Mandya it was nature at its best. Green fields greeted us. Its always so refreshing and reassuring to just drive past green fields. I still have memories of my childhood when we eagerly awaited one of those trips to villages. We spent as much time as possible in the "Thote" and "canals". More often we could spend hours just near that big pipe chugging out water in the middle of the "thote". In the afternoons under the shade of big neem or tamarind tree, awaiting food from home.

Comming back to melkote trip ( i usually get carried away by nature and its beauty), we had climb steep steps to reach the temple. Half way through the steps, on the right side you will find a space large enough to accomodate 50 people. Basically its a face of huge stone. I walked towards the end of the stone and was struck at the spendid beauty in front of me. It was still drizzling. Somewhere far out there , hills were covered in mist. ( I guess that effect was due to raing. ). At another place there was a small gap in the cover of clouds from which sun was peeking. The wind was cold and i was relishing every moment of it.

"This is called suicide point." My sister informed me who had apparently caught up with me on the climb. "Nobody would probably die, if they jump from here. At the max they would be paralysed for life" My sisters friend added. I looked down below. Infact there were enough sharp stones to effect the "KILL". I did not offer any comments.

I was tired of driving and handed over the keys to Amit while returning. At that moment i realised that my mind was already contemplating the suicide point.

Few days ago i read in the newspaper that 90% of people who try suicide, survive. And more. They are under serious stress and have to endure the trauma till they die. Most of the suicides i have come across in life and in news papers in genral, are due to two reasons. Failed in exams or rejection in love (Other being some idiots playing blowing-up-self game at every given chance).

I wont talk about people thinking about suicide ( i have covered this already here ). What goes through the prospective suicider, when he/she is standing on such a vintage point. How do they fail to notice the beauty lying ahead of them. The beauty in itself is inspiring and motivational enough to live the life. I am sure lot many would-have-been-suiciders have stopped just ahead of that fatal jump due to this.

Nature is just awesome. Its rules are fundamental rules for life as well. It inspires. It brings best of us. Its magical. Its wonderful. It looks fabulous even when it is voilent. You have to appreciate the mystical power it has. So anybody there thinking of that "jump", be sure look ahead, take a deep breath and feel the beauty of nature. That may just charge you to take on life.

I want to be different

Everybody cherishes their school and college days and i am no exception. But my life at school was battle to differ from other fellow students and its still on. Only fellow students have been replaced by the world. I have done lot of things to be different and to be in lime light. It’s a quest worth mentioning here.

I joined KV 1 Hubli, in 6th standard. Earlier was in bellary KV. My name is good enough to qualify for a tongue twister and none were able to pronounce it correctly. That was my first step to be different ( well not exactly my own doing ). I always felt happy seeing people suffer pronouncing my name. But it was short lived. My class teacher renamed me Raama and it was the end of my first attempt at being different. Later i realised it was good to have a short and sweet name to avoid people creating their own versions of your name and embarassing you.

I was fortunate enough to be one of Lords of Last Bench whole of my school and college life. But again i was different and odd man in the group. While all the Last bench Lords suffered after-exam and result-time syndrome i was immune. I was not the most brilliant student but i was not poor either. I was above average.

The actual quest for being in limelight started in 8th standard. Every Wednesday we had PT in the first period. I wanted to be the first guy in the line. I tried my best to be jeetendra but failed. I gave up and every wednesday i became part of the group that handled drums. It was a tough competition but i managed. I liked the idea of whole school performing to my beats. I had the power and control to change the course of PT or so i thought. It was a great feeling. Later it became routine and i was more interested in sitting under tree shade rather than perform under the sun. So the plan was simple. Me and my group developed fever every Wednesday.

I also had the chance to lead school prayers. I enjoyed it a lot. "Savdhan" and "Vishram" were two command often useds along with others but again i felt a high whenever whole school performed at my commands. One bad day already whole school was in vishram state i uttered vishram and girls started giggling. That was it. I never again wanted to face the whole school in prayers. But again going back to stand in line for prayers was out of question. I made my way into prayer group. Spent another few months standing behind the people who had best voice in school and could sing. I was neither of them but a bit of influence works.

When that became boring and routine i joined Technical team. Handling mikes and other equipments. Once again the bad luck sought me out and all the equipments went dead. Reason. I had messed up cables. I was back leading prayers. But not for long. One of my friend wanted to lead and i was more than happy to let him.

One fine day, my house master came to me and said i will have to conduct quiz that day as the chosen person did not turn out. I thought i had another opportunity to be in lime light. I accepted and regret it till today. It was terrible mistake on my part. Quiz was scientific and there waslot of scientific jargon. Instead of pronouncing i started spelling them. Two questions and quiz was cancelled by principal. Didn’t go on stage for another two weeks.

Well eventually i achieved what i wanted. I was part of a English drama "The cobbler" for annual day (it was by chance ), participated in singing competition ( that’s what I thought but my good friends told me it sounded more of a elocution ), represented school in zonal athletics (never mind that our group didnt go to field at all), did gymnastics for sports day ( i was one of the stronger guys in school ), Played cricket, kabbadi and kho-kho for my house ( my house never made it to finals in any of these ) , contributed to school magazine ( poem on moon ) and a lot.


I may not have always been in limelight and been important. I might have failed terribly or might have succeeded. But what mattered was I never gave up creating a different identity. People recognized me. People knew RAM. That’s what matters.

I am still working towards that small goal of mine. I want to be different. I want to create my own identity.

Life gives you bricks. Its you who has to decide what you want to do with them. Build wall around yourselves or build bridges for others to pass by.

Stop Crying! Will you?

I looked at my watch to check the time. It was 9.50 am and i had left home at 8.35 am. I had survived more than one hour in the cruel traffic on Bangalore roads. Half the battle was over for the day except for one last hurdle. The traffic signal was still red. Once i cleared it i would be save again in my cubicle untill evening when other half of the battle would begin.

I knew this junction on koramangala 80frt road very well. I promptly switched off the bike engine. Dont think i was inspired by "Save Petrol" ads. The pinch of pocket to shell out more bucks for petrol as my bikes mileage is low is what forces me to save petrol. I was on the left most side of the road. Nothing to do except waiting for the green signal i looked around.

Nothing special. In the last three months i have always stopped at this signal in the morning and it has been quite same everyday. There is Hanuman Temple on the left side and just beside that is a open area where i guess there are two jhopadis belonging to the families who sell cement pots. One of the woman was washing the cloths near the walkway. She had a big bundle of cloths and the three buckets were spread on her right side. Two small girls were playing with the water in these buckets.

The smaller one suddenly took some mud in her hand started mixing it with the water. Elder girls saw this and raised alarm. At this the woman who was washing her clotehs gave hard glance at the small kid. That was enough for the kid. She stood there silently as if she did not know what was happening. Kids always have the advantage of ignorant looks. The woman went back to her job. Meanwhile the elder kid was giggling.

I looked at the signal again. It was still that dreaded red. I was staring at the signal and thinking about the tasks for the day when i heard a girl crying. It was that small girl. There was no bucket for her to play now. I guess the woman had used all the water for washing and taken the bucket for putting washed clothes in it. The woman seemed not to care about the cries of the kid. She went ahead with her task.

I was wondering how the kid was able to create a jingle in her cries. It seemed more of a song due to the periodic increase and decrease in the pitch, volume of her cry. The woman got irritated now and dragged the kid by her hand and raised her own hand as if to hit her. I thought for a moment she would beat up the young one. But no.
She just warned her. If she continued crying she would get beaten up so the only option for the little one was to stop her jingle.

Convinced the woman went ahead with her task. I dont think the little one had totally stopped crying. I could hear the honking. I instantly turned on the ignition key, started my bike and crossed the signal. I always feel a great level of satisfaction when i am crossing that signal.

As i parked my bike in the office premises i remembered the woman raising her hand.

My parents have done that with me in my childhood days. Some people say that you cant make a child stop crying by beating him/her. It will in contrast make them cry more.

I have a different view. I believe when a parent threatens his/her child to stop crying or face the wrath it represents the great philosophy of our ancestors. They indirectly say "Stop crying. If you cry nothing will happen. So better do something good and feel happy. The more you cry about, the more will life give you reasons to cry."

And now days even before the child gets prepared to get into the action, parent will shower them with all they can. We may think woman in villages are stone hearted to treat their children as harshly as the woman washing clothes was but then they teach their children something valuable. They teach them if they cry nobody cares. So better stop crying.

Life gives you more reasons to cry if you are crying, but gives you rewards if you stop crying and get along with life.

Pray for me.

Whether to go for a while loop or use a recursive function. While loop could fix two bugs but again one bug would stand exposed. Recursive function would solve one but the other two were exposed.I was in a fix. While i was immersed in these bugs ( they really bite hard ) i did not notice that it was more than 30 mts the train had not moved. I was sitting at the window seat in Amravati express going from Hubli to Bellary and the train had halted at Hospet. Under normal circumstances it would not have halted for more than 5 mts.

Unmindful of the dealy i continued staring at my papers and was writing down iterations and values that were expected at each iteration. But could not concentrate and thought i would better get down and get a coffee to relax usually overworked brain cells. As i got down i saw a group of people standing near the entrance of another compartment and murmuring. There were few constables which made me curious. As i walked towards the crowd i could figure out a old man sleeping on the platform. He was well dressed. Pure white Dhoti and Khadi Shirt. He must be in 80s.Few feet from him was a beautiful old lady sitting. Her expression seemed to tell me that she was not sure what was going on.

I pushed myself through the crowd to have a closer look. Then i asked a dark fellow beside me what happend."Peedainki heart attack vacchindi. Seat lone poyadu." - "Oldman suffered heart attack. He passed away." I saw at that old lady. Guess he sensed what was on my mind and voluntarily told me that poor lady (of course beautiful) was not informed. There were no relatives with them. Old couples were travelling alone. Somebody from railways had already informed their eldest son.

I stood there for few minutes thinking of what might be going through that grand lady’s mind. I felt she wanted not to trust her mind. She knew what was going on. But her heart was refusing to believe and no body dared to tell her that. I heard a long whistle and knew it was time to leave. All the people hurried towards their compartments. I too entered mine and sat the most favored window seat. I could see the old lady crying, no body around them except few constables through the window. Unknowingly a prayer came out of my breath to give her strength enough to tackle the situation. I looked at my papers but could not concentrate.

Client was furious. I had promised him solution 2 days back. and now i was seated before him with out one. After some cajoling he agreed extend time for one more day. I came out of the office and called up a friend. I told him abt my experience with client and that elusive solution. After a while we said good luck to each other and disconnected. Before disconnecting he said "I will pray for u."
After a lot of struggle i could find the solution at 3 am. No i did not use while loop nor recursive function. I changed the whole logic from scratch. When I felt bit relaxed and lighted my faithful white stick. I remembered those words “I will pray for you."

I am not sure weather it was that prayer that helped me. But when we see our dear ones suffering and in trouble we say we will pray for them. why do we do that? In Hum Tumpe Marte hain at climax shakti says "We often believe we are traveling alone but we forget that wishes and prayers of our loved ones always follow us."

I realized that was true. I don’t lose anything by praying but of course I feel light that may be the almighty will listen to my prayers.

Life gets back to you.

As i stepped into the class, I could notice high activity. It was more than the usual. All the girls were sitting at one corner on benches and giggling. They always seemed silly and stupid to me. But today i felt they had completely lost their brains. At the last bench my Last Bench Lords community was also involved in similar activity. For a moment i thought the girls had used some magic spell on usually rough and aggressive Lords. A Day before i was absent from the school due to fever. And in a day Lords had forgotten their identity. I was feeling furious.

I walked to my seat and pushed my bag into the single desk. RAM was etched on the desk with my distinct style. Tools used were dividers. "Kal kya ho gaya the tuje?" Anirudh enquired. "Meri baat chod. Tum logon ko kya ho gaya hai. Ladkiyon ne kaat liya kya?". I shouted back. Suddenly Lords went silent. "I would really be thankful to god if he misses the trip". I am not sure which girl said that but now i could not control myself anymore. Before i could raise war cries something struck my mind. What was she talking about. A Trip. I never knew that.


The day i was absent class teacher had announced the trip and there were only 48 seats available from both A and B division. All the girls and guys had expectedly booked the seats to the full yesterday evening itself. Now to take revenge i had to be on that bus to banwasi. It was the question of pride after all.

He was busy correcting test books for previous month’s tests. "May i come in sir". Narayan said. Without looking at us he nodded. He was dark,well built person standing at 6.2. Mr.Shastry was our class teacher and also conducted biology classes. I and narayan approached him. Then hesitatingly i asked him "Sir, is there any chance of me getting into the list. I was absent yesterday and so did not know about it. i am really interested to join the people on tour." He looked at me and smiled. I bet he knew what my real interest was. He said "Not unless anybody gets ill or withdraw." With that he killed all my hopes.

Me, Narayan ( silent killer), Anirudh ( Lambu ), Shirish ( Motu ) and mansoor (Bansi) all formed the Lords of Last Bench group. There were others but not so important for the group. It was time for one of those secret LLB meetings. As always we bunked the prayers and stayed back in the class for the meeting. I was sad that i could not make it to trip. Meeting was to identify the girl who insulted me. "It must be S. I saw her saying something in B’s ears." Anirudh started. "It can’t be her." Shirish thundered. We knew anirudh had pressed wrong button. Before i could say anything to shirish, narayan suddenly announced "Raama is coming with us." I felt happy to hear that but all knew it was not possible. But narayan was one the best criminal minds ( that’s what we call thinking and analytical minds) we had. I got hopes. Usually he comes up with foolproof plans.

"Bata tere shaitani deemag mein kya plan hai." Mansoor was curious. "Did you hear what Shastry said. Somebody has to withdraw or get ill." There was that wicked smile on our faces. We knew what had to be done.

Planning is the easiest part but the implementation is the toughest. We started to identify possible targets. Out of 48 we zeroed on 2 who were soft targets. Suharsh and Vinay. Suharsh was skinny and short boy. So we thought he would not survive our attack. So Vinay was the chosen one.


Vinay was short and plump. He always wanted to be part of our group but he never had anything that could make him eligible to be in our group. We had just two days to execute our plan. Everybody was informed of their roles. For the next 4 periods i was dreaming of the trip.

In the lunch break, as soon as we finished our lunch, myself and narayan approached vinay who was still busy with his chapattis. "Tuje hum logon ne apne group mein shamil kar liya hai. Chal issi khushi mein coke peete hain." Narayan announced. Vinay could not contain his excitment. He closed his half finished lunch box and got up. I was already feeling the pain of guilt.

All three of us walked into the small ice cream parlour. Anirudh,mansoor and shirish were already there, arguing about what anirudh had said earlier in the day. According to the plan all three were supposed to have arranged everything. On the table were six coke bottles. One of the bottle had pink napkin below it. That was the one that was reserved for vinay. All of us sat comfortably in our seats. Just to make sure everything was alright i called mansoor aside and asked about the status. "Coke normal hai. Tablets tho narayan ke paas the. Isliye hum thumara intezar kar rahe the." I went through two kinds of feelings. One was of anger. Other was of being relived of the sin. But i badly wanted to be on the trip.

"Teek hai. Vinay ko kisi bahane saamne wale greetings store le chal aur 5 minute ke baad lautna." I instructed him. The poor guy had not even lifted his coke, mansoor dragged him towards the greetings store. (He actually did). In a hurry i asked narayan in sign language to mix tablets in the coke. He did. "Arre yaar. Pehle usse powder tho bana deta." Shirish shouted. In a hurry narayan had forgotten the basics. We just hoped the tablet melted before vinay could notice.


Vinay and Mansoor returned. Vinay was beaming with smile. I did not feel like looking at him. The more i looked at him the more guilt i had to face. Vinay started taking his coke. All of us were busy talking about how vinay had to behave being part of our group. Suddenly narayan grabbed coke from vinay. "Chalo chalte hain. Kumbar sir ka class hai." Vinay was shocked at his behaviour but not we. We knew another two to three sips and tablet would reveal itself. We didnt wanted that.

At the end of the day all of us were sitting at the school gate. I was sure our plan had failed. Vinay was fit and fine. No signs of stomach upset. "Kam se kam 10 goli dalni chahiye thi" Shirish felt.

I was already feeling upset and down. Not because i missed the trip, because of what we had done. I went to narayan's house in the evening. He too was feeling bad. A quick meeting on the phone and all of us decided we will inform vinay the truth and plead sorry. But it should be done in privacy as LLB's never felt sorry for others. That was the rule.

Next Day morning we bunked the prayers again. This time vinay was with us. He was happy that he was doing what LLB's were supposed to. But all of us knew it was not the case. Narayan was given the responsibility of explaining everything to vinay. And he did a good job. Vinay felt bad and was obviously hurt. In bargain for keeping this secret he was made lifetime member of LLB. (Lifetime = still we were in school).

Everybody was relieved that good sense had prevailed at the right time. At the end of the biology period, Mr.Shastry announced that i was on the trip as one of the guys from B section was ill and had withdrawn. That made me really happy. I could hear few girls murmuring. I hoped now even they would withdraw. It was not that i was a bad boy but don’t know i somehow hated few girls. The girls who were in good terms with me were happy for me. The girls i hated were mostly the ones for whom few guys had special feelings.


We had great time on the trip. While returning back LLB were sleeping in last seats whereas others were having fun with antakshri. Its not that we didn’t want to be part of the fun or we were tired. As destiny would have it , all of us were down with fever. Vinay included.


Since that incident I have believed in what my dad usually says. U get back what you give. Life is like a boomerang. Spread happiness and you will be happy. Try and hurt someone, life will hurt where it pains most.

B happy, Keep smiling. By the way anybody want to omit me for their trips??????

Strength

I was awakened by the ring of my cell. another reason i hate cell phones. The call was from home. i spoke for few minutes and disconnected and gave a glance accross the room. All the immortals had succumbed to the intimidating morning lazy breeze. Looking at them i wondered for how in the day will they be able to maintain such calmness on their usually grin faces. Some had to take their GF's for shopping and some had to prepare for their exams.

I searched for my small white and red life box (wills packet) took out a stick and ambled towards the door. There were few dew drops on the chair which i ignored (remember lazy breeze). I lighted my stick and then something caught my attention below the balcony. There was a old woman alighting from the auto with all sorts of leaves and vegetables (i am a pure non vegetarian so don’t know what those leaves are called).

Though i had seen her in action selling them numerous times, this was the first time i was observing her. She saw me and gave a smile. I took a long deep puff and smiled back. It always feels great to see smiles around in the morning. For another few minutes i puffed on with my stick while she was artistically placing all those leaves and vegetables.

Finishing my stick i turned towards main door but on the open space behind the tree there were so many leaves and vegetables thrown, left there prvious night. Then suddenly i realized that this woman hardly sells half of the stock she gets in the morning and usually throws the leftovers. I was wondering what makes that woman spend so much on them and invest when she has been suffering losses since two months. Immersed in these thoughts i did not notice my PG manager coming towards me with a cup of Tea in hand.

"She is wasting lots of money. if she cant sell them then why waste time. why cant she just stay home and look after her grand children." i casually remarked to the PG Damager ( yes for me he is damager. that’s another story). His reply put me in a state between amusement and disbelief.

This woman had lost her husband long back. She has 3 children and all well settled thanks to those leavegs (Leaves and Vegetables). There was a time she could hardly manage a meal in a day. But she somehow made a decision she would sell leavegs and borrowing 100Rs from a gentleman started her business. There was always some kind of rawness in her. You could feel that in the way she did business with her clients. these Levages enabled her ( or shall i say empowered ) to give it back on life. Today her eldest son owns a hotel in magadi , Second son has a factory, third one is into poultry business. all these was because the woman had enough strength and guts to take on life and its challenges. She can still stay home and lead a relaxed life but then she hates to do that. Its not the question of loss or profit for this lady. Its her way of staying close to her achievements and being proud. It’s her way of laughing at life. It reminds her of her inner strength.

I was looking at her with respect and adoration filled eyes. "Samy ivathu carrot illa. Nale baruthe." She informed me. She had always given me carrots for free and I used feel elated that she gave me enough respect ( and didn’t charge me at all ) . Now I felt I didn’t deserve that, at least not from her. She had 100 times more strength than me. She deserved lot of respect. She deserved happiness. She deserved her share of Pride. Because she had managed to come out of life’s test triumphant. She deserved it all.

I went back and could not sleep for a while. Something had changed my attitude. while i was immersed in these thoughts i got a call again from home. Life continues.

Strange. Life is different and each person in this world is fighting his own battle. If only we spare few minutes and look at others we may know what it takes to win this war. I had read somewhere “God knows your strengths so he gives u troubles u can conquer". So is troubeless and tension less life worth??? That’s a question for another day. Time for another stick.

Endurance

I heared the cock-a-doodle-do three or four times. With every iteration it was growing louder. With my eyes half open i ran my hand over the table. I knew where exactly i had kept my cell and with precision pressed the snooze button. It had taken me more than 4 months to master the art of locating the right button on the cell. I battle my self most of the mornings. I am in a kind of cross roads where my heart wants to continue with the wonderful dream land which seems at eternal bliss and my mind drags me to this very cruel physical world. As usual my heart is too weak to win this battle and i had to give up.

---

I checked the time. It was 6.15. "Damn! Few more minutes in the wonderland wouldn’t have hurt." My bus arrives at exactly 7 am. I still had 45 minutes. I took out my wallet from the draw and very carefully retrieved Hanuman Chalisa. Then walked into the "Devara Mane". A small room where we have some 4 to 5 frames of gods and most of the room is occupied by the ration of the PG. Infact not long back out PG owner had put a bunker in it expecting more income. Alas he had to retract. I finished my Hanuman Chalisa, bowed to the gods and took their blessings. I dont really know i would have got any blessings. Purely because i hardly recite chalisa with concentration and devotion.


"Oh God. How come the God is praying to other gods!" Avinash was chuckling. "Well I am God unto myself. Not for others." I replied back. So much for calling myself God. Well its another story.


---

It was 6.30. I couldnot even switch on the TV so early. Its not that anybody can complain or reprimand me for that ( not many in PG dare to mess with God ), its just that other than bhajans and keertans you wont find much on TV at that hour. I decided to spend some time at the bus stop itself instead of looking at the boring faces in PG.

--

I was watching the vehicles zoom by, few old guys walking briskly and ofcourse few girls comming back from aerobics. I wonder what makes these girls go to aerobics to lose weight. You need to have weight to lose it. Right? "High profile, peer pressure, healty habit..." Everything i read about latest teenage tendencies. "From where do these papers get such polls and statistics. I have never been asked in any of the pool." Then i remembered. I have crossed my teenage long back. Well not so long back either. Suddenly i realized i was heading towards 30's in a couple or more years. I dont have issues with the age but i certainly have issues being single. Its hard to socialize, specially in metros, without a partner, girlfriend, lover , figure or whatever you call that must have entity for all guys well below my age. "May be i am too old for that now." " or may be i am safe away from the mayavi world of love,betrayel and all those big banner filmy emotions".

---

Then i saw her. Neatly dressed. Weathish skin glowing like gold in the morning sun rays. Lean. Dark black hair tightly held as if the night was retracting back to where it came from. Her face was radiating. She was on the other side of the road. Something about her smile made me feel energetic. As she came nearer i saw her eyes. Dark and Deep. I have seen those kind of eyes only in few people with determination and no nonsense attitude. My dad has also got those kind of eyes but his convey lot more. I was mesmerized.
As she approached nearer to me i was filled with joy. The bliss and innocence on her face seemed to influence me. Her face was as fresh as the jasmine in her hands. Once she was on the side of the road where i was standing she stood waiting.

All the vehicles on the road came to halt. Few motorists ignored the signal which is very typical. If they hadn’t broken the rule i would have believed i was dreaming. It assured me all is well with India. The girl walked into the standing traffic and approached a black Zen. An old man in his 60's was at the steering wheel. In the back seat were what i am sure his grand children neatly dressed in school uniform. He was driving them to school.

"Lucky kids." i thought. In my school days we had to battle with hell lot of troubles to reach school and back. though we had school bus plying it was merely on paper. I still remember other school children walking from RGS to Station so that we can get other school bus. And the walk was 5 Kim’s. "Times have changed."

This girl tried to sell her jasmine but the Grand Old Guy didn’t buy. She persisted but old guy seemed to be very reluctant. With out wasting any time she walked on to a nearby auto. The auto guy was more interested in kidding with her than her jasmines. She next tried her luck with an alto, a van and even few motorists with out succeeding. I was watching all this and was really impressed with the kind of patience the girl had.

Her patience and persistence showed her maturity. She knew exactly what she was doing and what she wanted. Again all the vehicles were zooming by.

"People running with life or against it. I will never know?" She again came to where i was standing. May be she was conscious of my obeserving. She gave me a warm smile.

"Luck illa?" I said. She didn’t utter a word. She was busy adjusting her jasmines properly.

Before i could ask her anything more the traffic came to a halt and she was back at work. I looked if my bus arrived but it hadn’t. With a relief I went back to my observation. Something about this girl attracted me.

Second attempt was also not successful for her. And yet her face did not show any sign of frustration.
When she came back again near me I asked her again

"Not many people buy jasmines at traffic junctions. Why don’t you just go and sell in the shops"

She looked at me disapprovingly as if I was the most ignorant and dumbest person on the earth. She didn’t say anything.

Again traffic came to a halt and this time she was successful. Meanwhile my bus arrived and i boarded it. I was looking at the boring and lazy faces in the bus. I sought out a comfortable window seat. As i looked outside the window i saw her. She was standing facing me with raised hand. She was beaming with smile. I did not notice at first but then i saw it. A five rupee coin carefully placed in the little hands. A smile escaped from me. I was happy. Happy because the little girl had made her first sell for the morning. Happy because she knew what it was worth. Happy because She savored every success of hers. And she deserved it.

Five rupees coin. Well it may not be worth much for many but try earning it at the traffic signal in the morning when people are on the run.

Never did she lose her patience. She had to be radiant and always had smile on her face. She had to be persistent. She had to keep trying. And all of all she had to do this every time the traffic came to a halt. She will fail most of the times. But she has keep selling. She can’t come back nor blame her luck. It’s her effort that keeps her going.

It’s what my dad called "ENDURANCE".

I gave her a thumbs up and she seemed to acknowledge it. With green signal my bus moved and I closed my eyes to catch a short nap. Not many mornings in my life have been this fulfilling.