Friday, February 8, 2008

Unsolicted Calls!

Everybody is aware of the unsolicited calls from tele callers selling credit cards, loans, country club or some club membership etc. Most often we just say we are not interested and cut the call. But our cell tends to ring at most of the unexpected times. Instead of seeing them as annoying we can make them really interesting. Being what i am i have tried a couple of times to enjoy these calls. Only thing that you have to keep in mind is not to over do it. So guys sample few of the conversation below.

TC (Tele caller) : Good afternoon sir. This is ____ calling from ABN Amro bank. Sir we are offering you free life time gold credit card...

Me: Oh great. I was expecting your call. What’s the credit limit?

TC: 3 Lacs sir. Along with this you....

Me: Ok. 3 is very less. I have 29 credit cards and the credit has crossed 8 Lacs. Can you increase the credit limit?

TC: Did not get you sir?

Me: Unfortunately i have tried many times. But even i haven’t got u.

TC: Sir?

Me: never mind. Iss janam mein nahi tho agle janam mein sahi.

TC: Sorry sir. I am not able to understand....

Me: Samajne ke liye rakha kya hai...If you cant understand me then how can i marry you...

TC: Sorry sir. Guess you are mistaken. This is call from ABN Amro bank...

Me: When did you join that disgusting bank...

Call gets disconnected.

Few days back i received a call from country club offering me a membership. And if i chose to be their member they would give me a 60 X 40 site. I dont remember the place they offered but i am sure it would take at least another 100 years for that place to be able to get even proper accessable road. Check this.

TC: Good morning sir. Am i talking to rama... ramanju... ramanje...

Me: Its Ramanjaneyalu...Tell me whoz this...
(If i had not stopped her she would have really come up with her own version of ram sahasranaama.)

TC: Sir i am calling from country club offering you a premiere membership. Is it right time to talk to you now?

(They ask this question as if we carry panchang with us and expect us to check the rahu kaal. Or i really doubt they beleive in auspicious timings. Unfortunately i had nothing to do and was getting quite bored. So it must have been right time.)

Me: Yeah. Its ok. go ahead.

TC: Sir with this membership we are also providing you 60 X 40 site at _________. all this for just Rs 1 lac. You dont have to do single payment. If you have credit card we can arrange for installments.

Me: Ok. Seems interesting. BTW how did you get my number?

TC (Hesitatingly) : From the general database.

Me: Can you do me a favor?

TC: Yes sir.

Me: From the same database can you get me couple of numbers of girls who are single and have opted for this membership.

TC: (after a brief silence) Sorry sir. Didnt get you.

Me: Its simple. I will try and persuade one of those girls to marry me. So without paying 1 lac i get the site. Why dont you try for one yourself?

Call is disconnected.

Couple of years back i was in mumbai overseeing implementation of a project. It was Wednesday and i did not feel like going to clients place. Madhu sudan was taking care of the ground work and so i decided i will spend the afternoon at my suite. I saw my cell ringing and immediately i identified it as the number from Karnataka. I though it must be from some of my colleagues from Bangalore office and did not pick the call. I had nearly 10 missed calls from the same number. Later in the evening i checked with madhu sudan if anybody from office had called him. His answer was negative. I thought it might be one of my friend and called on the same number. I could hear a telugu song as caller tune. I was sure it was one of my those long forgotten friend who had tried to contact me after getting my number through some means. I tried 3 4 times and nobody picked the call. To confirm if it was someone i knew i sent a well written hindi shayeri.

Next day morning i received a call from a land line in bangalore at around 8 am. It was too early for me at mumbai. ( I normally went to client place at 12 and client never had issues even if i didnot turn up. We had juniors working and i would give clear instructions to them at the start of the week itself. ) As i picked up the call:

female voice on the other side : Yaar ri neevu? (who are you?)

Me (Still strugling to wake up ) : Neevu yaaru? (Who are you?)

For clarity i will write the converstaion in english below.

Voice: Dont you have sisters and mother at your home?

Me: Why do you want that information?

voice: We have links upto police commisioner. do you know that?

Me: I dont read "Hai Bangalore" to know that.

Voice: Dont act smart. we can reach you whereever you are in minutes.

Me(Now totally irritated and angry): Have you read harry potter?

Voice: What???

Me: Nevermind.

Voice. Again acting smart. I know you are in Bangalore.

Me: Great. Come and catch me.

Voice: We will complain to police and they will catch you.

Me: Maharashtra police or Karnataka police?

Voice: You call up on my cell and send messages. How dare you do that. I will register harassment case against you.

Me: Are you sure i sent you message. when?

Voice: Yesterday.

Me: BTW what is your number?

Voice: Acting smart again.

Me: Shut up and give me your number. Do one thing. Check your cell and let me know if you had given me missed calls yesterday afternoon.

Voice: Why should i give you missed calls. Are you my bf or brother?

Me: why should i send you message. Are you my gf?

Voice: But you sent message.

Me: You gave me 10 missed calls. And i have record. go ahead and place complaint. Police will also have to register complaint against you as you harassed me with missed calls. (Its always easy to intimidate girls.)

Voice: Wait let me check the call log.

After a brief period.

Voice: Sorry sir. Are you raman... ramanja...ramaju...

Me: Ramanjaneyalu.

Voice: This is our official cell. I am working for ICICI Credit card ...

Me: Thanks. so thats the problem. What was the need to call 10 times?

Voice: sorry was deadline date for us...

Me: And you planned to make it blind date??? I thought one of my friends had called... don’t you guys have any other work...

Voice: Sorry sir. But we are offering free life time credit card with...

Me: I am not intrested right now...

Voice: Ok sir. But in future if you need ICICI card please call at this number.

After i heard that i did not to laugh or to cry or to appreciate that girls guts to sell me the card even after all this..

Before i could say anything else, the call got disconnected.

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