Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Another Mad Rumbling!! -2 ( Unedited )

Its the "Mach-Speed-Generation". Everything is fast paced. You have more opportunities to interact with people. Your have more options. This has never been before. I am tempted to call this "networking era". From computers to lives. Everything on earth seems to be networked. Well in such a scenario, sustaining relationships is very stressful. What with ever changing dynamics of social circuit. Definition of friendship,acquintance,collegue is getting broader and interloping.

In the current world, while chasing and running ruthlessly behind our dreams and goals , at some point we lose control over our life. Its like driving a monster car on highway. Every time you look at the speedometer you wish the needle to go a notch high. And press the accelerator hard. After certain limit you slowly start losing the control and the clear highway starts looking dangerous.

In school we are worried about our grades. In college about ranking and hell number of entrance exams. Added to it the peer pressure about every damn thing on earth. Out of college its innumerable interviews and finally a job. At job, with every passing quarter, worry about ratings, CTC, performance, deadlines etc.

While doing all this we come accross so many people. Every person in them belong to either of friends, good friends, close friends, hi-bye friends groups. At different stages of life differnt people fall under particular group. This is true for every person. It very much important to understand where you belong in others groups as well as who in your contacts belongs to which one of your own group.

Previous statement seems confusing. Let me make it clear. A and B are 'friends'. For A, B belongs to 'close friends' group. For B , 'A' belongs to 'just friends' group. Since A thinks he is 'close friend' of B his expectations from B are more. Vice versa with B.

This is a dangerous situation as it causes conflict of amount of trust each has on other. When this is not properly reciprocated, it leads to mistrust and stress in general. This is avoidable considering the amount of pressure we are already subjected to by day to day events.

I had been thinking about this for a while when i came up with a theory 'Three Circle Theory' few years back. TCT is very simple. All you have to do is draw three circles around you.( Now dont rush for your pencils yet :) ).

The three circles around you are not physical, they are more logical and virtual. Categorize every person you know among these circles. The innermost circle is basically around you, your immediate family, and few friends for life. You turn to them in need. But again dont expect all your solutions to come from here. The second circle covers all you interact with regularly. These people know you by what you are and have their own opinions. Dont take these people for granted. Be aware that these guys are like flowers in spring. The third circle consist of people who you know ( or dont know ). These people are what you call contacts. They dont know anything about you except your name, designation etc. Be good to them as well. Anybody out of the third circle is stranger to you and your life in no way is affected by them.

Now depending on circumstances and needs the people in third and second circle change their positions. But the inner circle is where you have to be what you truly are. Nevertheless be consistent with all the three circles. Be polite and be frank. Honesty is still the best policy. With every circle you have certain defined benchmarks. But again i repeat there are no fixed parameters.

Believe me this works. Infact it has worked wonders for me. I had different sub groups under each of these circles. Each subgroup is set of friends. Most the people in my cricles hardly know each other. Myself being the central point i have control over what part of my life is affected by whom and how much. I decide who belongs to which group. And i have been careful not to ever involve two groups. Its unfair to say one group is closer to me than other. I cherish each and every person in my circles but its just that i have control over how much they know about me and how much they are allowed to involve in life.

Its not a suggestion. This theory is just my way of making my life simple. After seeing many people creating complications in their life, i can proudly say my theory has worked for me. Its simple. Its clear. And more importantly in this era of "people management" this is the best way i can be clear of hurt and favoritism.


Chaitra said...

I liked this: "And i have been careful not to ever involve two groups". People belonging to the same group will also make difference. I mean one circle of your friends might be totally different from other circle of your friends but yet both the groups might be your closes friends(ex:your school friends and college friends).Both group of friends make you a feel better but dont ever try to mingle both groups, if so then both the group of friends and you will be in a un-comfortable position

Towsifa said...

I always thought and believed that no two people can think alike...but, you have proved me wrong....
while reading what u have written, i felt like i was reading about myself, infact your musings always forces me to analyze myself....

you know what, you have an excellent talent of putting words in the most perfect manner.....
Never ever stop your writings, coz some of them are very thought provoking, and am sure, they will make difference to those who need those inputs at that point of time in their life

GR said...